Strong women, really?

My new workplace although cordial and interesting and at times fun (in case the boss is reading :P) is located in a terrible area. My hopes of beautiful big glass covered concrete structures, spanky canteens with vending machines and exhaustive menus, parking lots full of shiny expensive cars, rubbing shoulders with suited booted people and dreams of wearing smart heels to work came crashing around me the day I went for the interview. Being the wise (and tolerant) girl that I am, I concentrated on the things that mattered and I liked them.

It has been a month now but still the worst part of my day is going to and coming back from work. Today, after exiting the office premises I was walking down the road looking for an auto, with my eyes on the road watching out for pits, cow- shit, stones, dogs, banana or egg peels which could sprain or fracture me or worse, when a white car came to a halt a foot away from my feet. I looked up expecting (and hoping for) someone known thoughtfully offering me a ride. Instead a strange man, not much older than my father, with bloodshot eyes and pan masala  in his mouth was behind the wheel. As my eyes met his he shut his one eye forcefully, which I realized was a very crude attempt at winking. He then jerked his head to the left; an unmistakable gesture which meant “chalti – kya”. I was filled with disgust and a strong need of hurling something at that @$$#0[& shook me. I clenched my fists and the gritting of my teeth became painfully audible. I forced myself to look away and staked off trying hard to suppress the waves of anger which hit me afresh each time man in the white car blew the horn while driving slowly beside me. After a few failed attempts of catching my attention, he sped away. I took a couple of deep breaths (they always work for me). Almost instantly the rage and hatred were replaced by an even worse sensation. Fear. Suddenly, I was sharply aware of my surroundings. 

My heart was beating about a frenzy in the ribcage. I eyed every passing vehicle suspiciously, took unnecessary detours to avoid doubtful looking men. Just a couple of minutes had gone by when a motorbike overtook me, slowed down and then stopped at the side of the road. I was surprised at my own reaction when skipping the anger my mind fast – forwarded to the fear stage. A cold shiver ran down my spine. I had goose-bumps all over. My breathing was ragged, eyes wide and throat dry. I realized I had stopped walking and was staring at the man while clutching my bag protectively to my chest. The man was staring back. Ten seconds later a woman crossed the road, both the men and the woman sat on the bike and it zoomed away. Feeling utterly stupid I hailed the auto and began counting my breaths to calm myself.

If it sounds too dramatic, then imagine going through this torture every other day. And no, I am not complaining about the area around my office. It happens everywhere. From the slum areas to the poshest localities, most independent, strong willed women can’t help feeling vulnerable in such situations. Sadly, there is nothing which can be done to change how we feel about it: angry, disgusted, fearful; unless the lechers start feeling shame and respect for women.

K

Can't wait no more

A sad poem I penned down during a low phase. Re-read it after a long time. Even I was surprised to find that I ended it on a sad note. Sometimes a sad end is best for a better beginning...

I've been waiting, as you asked me to,

but for how long?

I've been looking for a happy ending

to my love song.

But the memories, even the happy ones,

don't suffice,

How will, without you,

I go on.

I'm fighting a war with time,

for too long.

I'm too weak to make it move faster,

it's too strong.

Time crawls, I count seconds,

the wait never seems to end.

I told everyone you'd come for me,

don't make me go wrong.

Last night, in my dream,

you came along.

I'm worried, and scared,

I won't last long.

Your memories in my dreams,

have blurred now.

You're slipping away and

I can't hold on...

DIY

Sitting alone at McDonald’s I was satisfying my craving for junk food and sipping my iced tea. My eyes were glued to a book I was supposed to be reading for an office assignment (‘Profit at the Bottom of the Pyramid’, no offence to CK Prahlad, but don’t even try to read it unless you aren’t forced to!). The girl sitting on the adjacent bar stool took a last sip of her coffee, carefully dabbed her lips with a tissue, picked up her expensive though ridiculous looking tote and walked off. As a knee – jerk reaction called behind her, “Hey, you forgot to pick up your tray!” For my uninvited comment she gave me a dirty look, a shrug of her shoulder and stalked off.

NOTE: For those who find it difficult to comprehend the purpose of my reflex action, allow me to explain. McDonald’s is a self – serve fast food joint. According to their protocol, you place the order at the counter, pick up your tray and when you are done, you trash the leftovers in the bin and stack up your tray your self. 'Your self' being the important words here.

Not a very complex exercise, right? Wrong. We all like the self serve restaurants but we seem to have a problem with their ‘do – it – yourself’ policy.  And everyone seems to know that. Why else did the worker at the joint not make a face picking up that woman’s tray of leftovers and dunking it in the bin? Why else do most self – serve joints recruit people for picking up used trays of food?

Granted, India is country which gave us history books full of royalty, but isn’t it a bit snobbish to think that we might still have a bit of blue blood in us? At another instance I was enjoying a Sunday brunch at a friend’s place. As lunch was served, my friend said one word at least a dozen times. No it wasn’t praise for the food. It was ‘Sheila’. And this time it wasn’t ‘Sheila ki Jawani’ that I was amazed at, but her agility and patience. Sheila is his maid. (Pardon me for that poor attempt at joking but I just couldn’t miss the opportunity: P)

Do we consider ourselves so high up in the society that it feels derogatory to pick up our used utensils? When I asked my friend, he confessed that it isn’t being snobbish or used to the royal treatment, it is just being lazy. Perhaps India is the only country where small time entrepreneurs thrive by making working and non working models and charts and science projects for students. I am also rather sure that not many countries can boast of a system where washing clothes, cutting vegetables, cleaning cars, even filling all sorts of forms are means of earning a livelihood. Of course this snobbish behavior or laziness contributes to the Indian economy and employment scene. But if you were expecting a political blog, you have the wrong link.

Whatever may be the excuse behind not grasping the meaning of ‘do – it – yourself’, this behavior is unacceptable and demeaning to those who finish those menial jobs for you. But if the message still fails to sink in, an advice: next time avoid self service joints. That will save you the lecture and dirty looks from at least a couple of people.

Cold regards

A pissed me! 

Not so ordinary

Flipping through my Blackberry's camera album, I found a lot of interesting pictures. Most of them clicked by me and a few sent by friends. These photographs stand out in my camera album and I would like to share them with all of you.

I am personally attached to most of these pictures because of the memories associated with them. Few of these are for laughs. But all of these are unusual.

I hope you enjoy going through them as much as I enjoyed clicking/ collecting them.

1) View from QBA, late evening. I had not been able to enjoy the view because of the most serious conversation I was engaged in. Lucky i clicked a picture. Reminds me of the place, the person and the conversation.

2) Sunset at a beach in Dubai. Picture courtesy a thoughtful friend.

3) Who said weddings are all fun for the bride?

4) Cleaning my shoe rack

5) A swimming pool in Andaman islands. Courtesy a friend on her honeymoon.

6) Delhi metro is bothered about ladies, kids, old and handicapped citizens and the unmarried!

7) Glitches in the metro. The driver got confused whether the metro was bound for Noida or Anand Vihar. The train stopped somewhere mid - tracks after Yamuna Bank station and the digital guiders were a huge help, as can be seen below. The passengers were stuck inside for a good 20 minutes.

8) Anand Vihar ISBT from Anand Vihar Metro station. Quite a sight at night.

9) "Katti" My angry niece.

10) View from the Gurgaon 'Pahadi'. A romantic date *blush*

11) Someone has to water the roadside plants! :P

12) My first boarding pass! An official trip to Mumbai. Yes, I first traveled in an airplane at an embarrassing age of 21!

13) A memorable picture from my first flight

14) Queen's necklace road. Catching up with a bestie at 2 AM on Marine Drive. Bliss!

15) First time on the Worli Sea - Link! Felt super proud!

16) Cat in a Sikkim Monastry

16) Pink Ambassador

17) Sunset at Juhu.

18) My favourite stretch in the metro line. Between IP and Yamuna bank.

19) This little attention seeker was boldly attacking people. Maybe had a personal vendetta against Zee News Ltd. :P Scared a lot of employees. Mind you, the yellow beak really was as mean as it looks.

20) Getting dolled - up for a shoot. It is the most boring job in the world.

21) Shoe bite after long hours on an out door shoot. 

22) Catching the 6 AM Metro from Model Town. Also catching the pretty morning sun.

23) Bwahahahaha! This one had me splits. Again, only in Delhi Metro.

24) Voyeurs at work. Photo courtesy a friend in a mean mood! 

 

25) Pirated book. Decent read. Recommended by many, read by few.

26) First time on the Vaishali metro skywalk.

27) An artist's impression of me. Or should I say a BAD artist's impression of me. Go Die!

28) 8 legged free travelers in the Delhi Metro.

29) The picture speaks for itself.

30) 2AM Maggi. Cooked in a fit of hunger. Never finish. Lesson learnt, late night hunger pangs can be false alarms. Don't bother.

31) A different pea in the pod. A very pretty green.

32) Ganne ka ras!! Adrak aur pudina ke sath! Yummm!! Voted best summer beverage!

33) Oi! makki di roti te sarson da saag! Khao gur naal taan khul jaave bhaag! wah wah!

34) Macchar bhagao drive in the area. Don't know about the mosquitoes, everyone else had to run away.

35) A particularly shaukeen auto wallah's installation in his ride. Reminded me of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Saawariya. 

36) Mera bharat mahan! 

37) View form my office's top floor. 

Things around us will appear more beautiful, unusual and unique if we just take out a minute to actually 'see' them. If you have a fancy phone, make good use of the camera and make memories more memorable!

The One - Err... Really?

“Hum ek baar jeete hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi  bhi ek baar hoti, aur pyaar, wo bhi ek baar hota hai…”

Despite the undeniable fact that Shahrukh Khan looks absolutely convincing (and deliciously gorgeous) when he delivers these lines in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, many would still scoff at him and his theory of once – in – a – lifetime. This is not an era where love happens just once and as most Hollywood stars would provide evidence for, neither do marriages. But Bollywood courses through our veins. We may deny it to our heart’s desire but we all love love stories. And we are all waiting for ‘The One’. If we already are with someone, then we hope with all our might for her/ him to be ‘The One’.

Question #1: Who is ‘The One’?

There are no definitions. Girls get dreamy eyed when asked this question, some even blush, and rattle on a much heard list of adjectives which invariably include tall, handsome, sensitive, understanding, blah and blah. Honest (and straight) men would admit that their ‘The One’ would be some hot chick with killer curves. And there would always be those practical people who’d explain how their perfect one would complement their thinking and morals and lifestyle and pockets! Everyone starts making a little list in their mind when asked what their ‘perfect one’ would be like. Although most lists would end up being rather similar, everyone’s eventual choice would turn out to quite unique.

Question #2: How do you know you’ve met ‘The One’?

A very dear friend of mine, according to her family and many friends, is now of marriageable age. Like all good parents would, hers are groom hunting as well. She told me about a few suitable suitors she’d met. Although a few freak cases were there, but quite a few were handsome, well spoken, well to do (loaded, in other terms!) and had a good family to back them. But she still wasn’t impressed enough to want to marry any of them. Why? As she puts it, it didn’t click. I used to roll my eyes at her. But now when I write this, I think I do agree with her.

First impressions are lasting. And unfortunately, everyone seems to know that and hence, everyone wants to leave a lasting and good first impression. Most of which is pretentious and a load of bull – crap. So most guys my dear friend of marriageable age would have met would have been very similar to each other in their behavior. Polite, appropriately shy and appropriately funny, decent and they all would have been wearing good shoes (Men have somehow the idea that women notice a man’s shoes first! Hurr!). The only (and rather important) difference would be in the looks department which they wouldn’t have been able to do much with. In that case, my friend is no way wrong if she is using her intuition for making the most important decision of her life, rather than just basing it on what she sees.

We all might have met hundreds of good looking men and women. We do get infatuated (well, I certainly do!), but at the risk of sounding terribly sappy, we only seem to be falling in love when something.. clicks!

Question #3: Can there be a “Second One”?

So you think this is it. You have found your perfect partner, your soul – mate, the love of your life. You have committed your life to loving this person unconditionally and living happily ever after with her/ him. And then your bubble bursts. The reason can be any: either of you cheated, either of you turned out to be an insecure, over possessive prick or you just fell out of love or fell for someone else. Of course one might argue that they had made the wrong choice in the first place and that person never was ‘The One’. Although, I believe that would be rather unfair on that person. That is why in the movie K2H2, even Mr. Know – It – All, SRK realized that we do live once, but in that life we are given ample opportunities to explore love. So there can be a second one and just might be a third one or fourth… the number doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we are happy with our choice and we don’t regret.

So, don’t hold yourself back waiting for ‘The (Perfect) One’. Remember, even if you find someone perfect it won’t guarantee you happiness because you won’t be perfect enough for her/him. And you might just end up missing someone who might not be perfect, but might be ‘The One’ after all.

But, never be hasty about love. You’ll just end up bruised.

Be a bit more selfish. Don’t swear by Bollywood hoping that your love story would eventually have a happily ever after even though you are going through the hardest possible time. You deserve a lot more. Never compromise.

Here’s to hoping that we all find our ‘The One’ and get to keep him/ her.. or ‘The Second One’ or ‘The Third One’ or… Oh, never mind the number. Cheers!

Think much?

Few night ago I had a most stimulating conversation with a very dear friend. It gave me a lot of food for thought. I won’t go into the details of the conversation, but in brief, I asked him a question. Admittedly, it had no connection with our light hearted chatter. My question was, we might think that we are bringing joy to someone’s life but if we think about the flip side, what if we are in actual complicating the other person’s life by being a burden he is not habitual of carrying? (Okay, yes, I am a bit demented but in my defense, Saturdays spent at home do that to me!)

What he told me just might be the best advice I have ever received in my life. He accused me of thinking too much. Until now, I used to think (yes, think again!) that it is a sign of intelligence. I prided myself in being a thinker till I wrapped my head around this example.

You see the movie ‘3 Idiots’ for the first time. You love it! You see it for the second time, you like it still. You see it for the third time and you think, okay, Aamir Khan was over – acting a bit.

The point is by third time, you start thinking, which is something you aren’t meant to do. And when you start thinking about things, you are bound to find things that you won’t like.

My friend said: One should never think about the good things in one’s life. That doesn’t mean that you take them for granted either. Good things are meant to be felt. They should be appreciated and enjoyed. By pondering over them we just spoil them. So, with regards to the convoluted question I had put to him, if you are happy, and the other person in question seems happy as well, why even think of negative thoughts?

I observed my thoughts and realized that things I ponder a lot about are all negative. And then it hit me. Those thoughts are negative only because I ponder over them.

Our elders also agreed to the same. They are an intelligent lot. Their age old customs might seem old – fashioned and inconvenient to us, but the ideology behind them is very practical. Elders always insist that courtship period for any couple should be brief.  Most couples will swear by the fact that the time between their engagement and wedding was the golden period of their relationship. Well, that is because they just enjoyed each other’s company and felt happy. Getting to know each other becomes so fascinating, that there is no time to spare for thinking. Too much time guarantees thinking and a too – much – thinking human brain is the origin of every problem in the world. When our mind thinks too much, it is bound to think negatively.

You see both me and Dawood Ibrahim have the same coloured blood, one liver and two kidneys. It is just the brain which makes all the difference. It is the brain which makes a person good or evil.  A person with nothing better to do will think and think and think evil!

Most people are under the impression that ‘thinking’ and ‘perception’ mean the same thing. But my dear friend told me his theory that the word – ‘thinking’ has a negative connotation while perception is much more positive in nature. Perception is what you feel about a thing, situation or person. And thinking is well, thinking.   

So, thank you dear friend for giving me a whole new perception. From now on...

Experiment!

Traditional, poor, orthodox, spiritual and…. Tandoori Chicken Tikka! This is what most foreigners think when they think India. Or should I say used to think? Because India and Indians are changing, and how! Many of us would call it the GenX syndrome or the Internet revolution or the Satellite television age. But I being one of the wise ones (and credit hungry) in this blessed country would like to put it this way that all the changes we have been witnessing are because we Indians have finally opened up our hearts – minds – souls. In my dictionary, the X in GenX stands for EXPERIMENT!

Time for my famous examples to explain my blabbering. Half a year ago, hardly a few would have known Sebastian Vettel or knew which team Fernando Alonso races for (which is Ferrari by the way) or knew anything more about Schumacher other than the fact that he is a celebrated car racer. In fact my neighbor did not even know what the F in the F1 stands for!  But with a few days to go before the F1 racing is finally inaugurated on Indian Soil (specially treated for the event, mind you!), the whole nation is going berserk! Everywhere I go, people are talking about it, buying tickets (at exorbitant prices!), planning F1 themed parties and what not. Seems like Cricket would be having some tough competition in the near future. And not just from F1. Maybe from Basketball or American Football or Rugby or Golf!

Well, the point that I am trying to raise is that we have solemnly opened ourselves to experimenting. We are not hesitant to explore little explored territories. No wonder we have so many restaurants exclusively dedicated to Chinese, Italian, Japanese and Mexican cuisines (By the Sancho’s is a great place if you are looking for authentic Mexican in Delhi).

We have begun experimenting with sports, food, fashion, even what we want to see on the television. And before we realized it, the others did. They saw tremendous scope in this country. So they took up the task of taking us on a journey of the less travelled road; and our enthusiasm, which exuberates from our pockets, increases the number of zeros in their profits! But I certainly don’t see anyone complaining.

But I hope that on seeing this adventurous streak in the GenX, the landline generation doesn’t think of it as a further increase in the chasm which still divides India into two generations. And I don’t hope in vain. Because slowly, but surely, we have been able to coax their rigid minds to open. And every little experiment they open up to, marks a new ray of hope. Guess what, my Dad loves Mexican cuisine and my Mom almost owns the same number of denims as I do!

Let’s keep experimenting. J

Media: As I see it

A degree of mass media and mass communication from a reputed college, myriad relatives over – exaggerating my talents and Barkha Dutt is to be blamed for my entry in the Media. It’s been only 1 year, but I don’t need to be a veteran to say that Media is certainly not as glamourous as the young and restless believe it to be. The people are certainly not as ‘happening’ as they look on the screen. Satisfaction remains a distant dream. Levels of frustration remain high, tempers rise, fingers pointed, abuses hurled. It’s an ugly industry which has put up a good show.

Within a few weeks of my initiation as an intern in a renowned news channel, I swore to never work with one again. But as fate had it, a month after graduation I was working in, no prizes for guessing, the same institution which made me swear against news channels. As I became further acquainted with the industry, I realized that politics rule the news room. Partial bosses, inept appreciation and embarrassing salaries. But after cribbing and swearing and cussing for a day, you go back to work thinking that all this is not exclusive to media. This is true for most industries. But what makes it difficult is peoples’ perception about media. Some questions are most difficult to answer.

“Oh, you work with Zee News! What is it that you do there? Production? What exactly is that?”

Umm… Aah… Errr… It’s some background work, managing and umm… why don’t you try this besan ki burfi aunty, it’s low – fat!

“I saw you on TV yaar! Anchoring – shanchoring! You must be earning really well!”

Oh God please don’t ask how much… please don’t ask how much…

Media does have its plusses. It is a powerful profession. It gives you a sense of responsibility, makes you stronger in your head. It is still a young industry in India. And what people know less about, people fear. And fear leads to an awed respect or uncalled for criticism. I have often found myself defending my profession with passionate arguments. I have also submitted to criticism, even participated in them, because I know of media’s mixed nature. One day it can make you proud of the kind of work it is doing. And the very next day it can make you ashamed of being a media person.

But one thing is definitely true. This profession is not for the faint hearted or weak – willed. Everyone knows you crib and cry all the time, but at the end of the day, you still feel for the organization and give your hundred percent as and when required.

The on – air content isn’t the only sensationalized and dramatized thing. The atmosphere in the news room is equally charged and catchy. Watching it on screen and witnessing and participating in it are two different things. I hate it. But I simply can’t stop loving it.

So if someone tells me that they are entering the industry, I say:

Welcome to the jungle. Get over the shock early and you’ll survive just fine.

Sharing is Joy Indeed

The late afternoon sky was an angry orange colour and the rain poured down relentlessly. I couldn’t see anything from the metro’s window except for faint outlines of buildings. Then like a young child’s mood, the weather changed without any premonition. Suddenly the sun gave a cameo from behind a big gray cloud. Sun rays filtered down leaving beautiful patterns in the violet sky. The view was breathtaking! White fluffy clouds were fast replacing the sullen gray ones. The sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds leaving behind very unsubtle and mesmerizing hints. There was just a vague hint of a rainbow in some far corner of the canvas splattered liberally with beautiful shades of blue, yellow, white and gray. Rain fresh trees bordered the horizon looking extraordinarily green against the unusual background.

I stood inside the metro moved by the beauty with my mouth agaoe and eyes unblinking. I felt a sudden urge to share this moment with someone. I nudged the girl standing next to me, nodded towards the sky and asked, “Isn’t it beautiful?”. She made a face, shrugged, increased the volume of her earphones and turned her back to me. I sighed quietly and wished for someone with whom I could appreciate the scenery. Then a young guy caught eye. He smiled warmly, nodded once towards the window and his smile grew larger. I smiled my big smile and thanked him silently for sharing the moment with me. Suddenly the beauty appealed me even more. As if it reveled in the knowledge that it had many more admirers.

Romance...!

Wikipedia: Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person.

Of late I have been thinking a lot about romance. So when a friend asked where I last went for a romantic date, it got me thinking. I asked a few people what a ‘romantic date’ means to them. The answers were fairly predictable, though not very honest. Most girls had ready answers: Spending quality time with your boyfriend, getting to know each other better, enjoying each other’s company. Paints a pretty picture, doesn’t it? But it just sounded extremely cheesy to me. One girl answered – Shopping and I admire her for her honesty.

Guys on the other hand are more honest with their admissions. For most, going on dates means spending money while fervently hoping to ‘get lucky’. One even admitted candidly that a kiss in a dark movie theatre is totally worthy of the money spent.

For our generation, dating means eating out, watching a movie, hanging out at a mall etc. one common thing that I noticed was that all the above mentioned places are conveniently air conditioned but do not guarantee any privacy, a fact which most guys grudge (single track minds!). The concept of ‘spending a quality time with each other’ has become inter changeable with ‘spending a good quantity of money’. And ‘romance’ is just about getting physically intimate.

So, coming back to that conversation with my friend. When she asked me where I last went for a romantic date, I told her it was CP’s inner circle. She further enquired which restaurant we went to or was it a ‘shopping date’ (whatever on Earth that means!). I replied that we had not gone to any restaurant. We were just walking around having roadside bhelpuri. Her expression got me feeling like I was not wearing something important like shoes or pants! She finally blurted, “In this terrible heat?”, and I found myself defending myself by clarifying that we had Ice Lollies as well. I guess she pitied me and tried suggesting a number of restaurants and malls and other places for ‘hanging out’. I listened politely and nodded at the appropriate places and thanked her for the suggestions.

Later I thought that I should have told her how liberating it was to just walk wherever we wanted instead of sitting in a crammed theatre or restaurant. How sweet it was to share Ice Lollies instead of eating with proper etiquette in an expensive restaurant. How genuine and uninhibited was the laughter when his ice- cream melted in the sun and fell. How satisfying it was to talk about almost anything under the sun rather than making hushed conversations about the food and the current movie playing in the theatre. I should have told her, but something told me she would not have been interested. Besides, I could not have explained to her that my definition of spending a quality time is very different. Of course even I like a nice meal at a restaurant and watching a fun movie (no, I don’t like hanging out at malls!) but I won’t call these outings at dates. My idea of romance is not limited to fancy eateries and malls and movies only:

So what really is romance? For me, romance can be felt in the following:

     1)      An old man waiting in a ladies’ salon while his wife gets her hair cut and the smile they share when they catch each other’s eye in the mirror.

      2)      My father spooning my mother while sleeping, even after 30 years of marriage.

      3)      Boating at India Gate late at night.

      4)      A blank message from a loved one which means that they have nothing special to say, just that you came in their thoughts.

      5)      A young couple in a rickshaw. The boy’s arms draped around the girl’s shoulders.

      6)      A boy walking a girl home, carrying her book bag.

      7)      Giving your last roadside Dimsum to your loved one even though you are still hungry.

      8)      Just sitting together at home, watching a cricket match while really just looking at each other.

      9)      Seeing a bunch of suspicious looking characters, walking in front of your girl or exchanging sides with her.      

     10)   Writing a love letter. Not SMS, not Email. A hand written love letter.

     11)   Telling your friends, “Oi, tameez sem teri bhabhi hai!”, when they call her ‘maal’ :P

And of course,

     12)   Having bhelpuri and Ice Lolly at India Gate.

J

So, what is your idea of romance?

I do? I Do NOT!

Are you single and of marriagable age (read aged between 19 to 26)? Do your parents love to show off your talents in public? Are you Baniya or Jain or God forbid, both?

If your answer to the above questions is yes, then you have my sympathies with you. Of late, marriage seems like the hot topic. People around me are either newly weds, engaged, meeting a boy/ girl (ofcourse for wedding related purposes), cribbing about their marriage, looking for prospective bride/ grooms or enquiring about the same. Wedding, especially for us members of the fair sex, is expected to be  the ultimate purpose of life. I will explain with my own example. I pride myself in being the offspring of modern minded folks. Maybe the right phrase here would be – used to. My bubble burst when my elder sister tied the knot. Now my parents don’t seem much different than Anandi’s folks. (In case your mom isn’t addicted to this particular soap opera like my Ma, then let me enlighten you that Anandi is the famous child bride of the television drama Balika Vadhu which caused Colours channel's TRPs to shoot up). Suddenly the word 'marriage' began popping up in all the discussions around me! Of course I am not being bombarded with pictures and bio – data of strange men. Not yet. But being 21 has started feeling like a sin. No opportunity is left to remind me that I am the next in line. Going to social do’s (especially weddings!) has become a fearful task that I have come to loathe. There is always an Aunty or two at such a gathering who would be judging me with her X – Ray vision and creating a detailed report on how I would fare as her or some far – off relative’s daughter- in – law. Some women have made matchmaking the purpose of their dull lives and don’t leave any chance to suggest a boy, with detailed description of his looks, his father’s business and mother’s social standing, as a prospective son – in – law.

I don't blame parents for wanting to see their daughters happy and settled in their lives, but it is just sad when marrying off their daughters becomes a duty, accomplishing which will let them retire in peace. And hence, parents are ready to sacrifice their daughters careers, ambitions and aspirations if a proposal comes from a wealthy family. 

It's a hard world, and not just for women. Men, I believe face a different sort of pressure. If you belong to a service class family, the pressure is to find a respectable job, earn well enough to attract attention of a good family who will approve of the boy's gross income and hand over their daughter's hand to him. (Please pay extra attention to the adjectives: respectable job and earn well)

And if you are from a business family, then you are in more trouble brother. Have your share of fun and fulfill your fancies before diving headfirst in your beloved Daddy's business. Because you cannot escape the bees after smoking beneath their hive. Fulfilling your responsibility of being the business scion of the family is the green signal for wedding bells. The general notion is that once you are handling business full time, no matter what your age might be, you are eligible to be married. This is especially true for Baniya families. 

Somehow, parents seem to have the idea that marriage is equal to happiness. Of course I am a firm believer (and hopeful) of happy marriages but somehow being a wife or a husband isn't all that there is to life for me. Marriage isn't happiness. Marriages are to be made happy and that is only possible if both the parties involved are satisfied with their personal lives and each other. 

Sadly, most parents fail to understand the point and unlike some last entries, I do not have any solution to offer. And now I have to go hide in the bathroom. The neighbourhood matchmaker has come to pay a visit. Not a good time to be in viewing distance.

Adios.

This is ME

A fortnight back I thought of jotting down a few characteristics or peculiar quirks of mine which define ME. After 2 weeks, following is the list I compiled in no particular order. It helped me to know myself better.

*I feel very conscious when people talk to me looking at my lips and not my eyes.
* If I am looking at my phone again and again while talking to you, then it is a signal that you are making me uncomfortable.
* If my smile doesn't show my gums, then its my practised polite smile. Not genuine.
* I totally dig toilet humour.
* If you do something for me, even if trivial by your standards, it would take a lot of convincing to make me believe that you are a bad guy for others.
* I sit on the toilet seat reading books for as long as an hour or till someone bangs the door.
* I take my most beloved people for granted although I expect a lot from them.
* I sing aloud in the metro.
* It really matters to me what people think about me, even if those people are complete strangers.
* I can count my "friends" on my fingers.

* I bite my lip when I am concentrating, worrying or blushing.
* Many people will realise that they have shared their life's secrets with me while I haven't been so open.
* I like being alone, hate being lonely.
* I cry while reading most of the books.
* I am a brilliant bathroom singer. Somehow the same songs don't sound too good in any other setting.
* I am a little over confident about my gadget related skills. When in real, I know I am the one eyed one amongst the blind.
* I suck with money management.
* I am not comfortable meeting acquaintances unexpectedly. Generally, I end up avoiding them and don't acknowledge them if I spot them in a public place. But if the other person spots me and strikes a conversation, in most cases I feel grateful for the company.
* I am not a people person. (People at my workplace won't be very happy with this considering I am supposed to be a guest relations executive).
* I feel guilty for mistakes committed by others.
* I am jealous of girls with straight silky hair.
* My hair look good in my bathroom mirror, awry in my bedroom mirror and pathetic in every other mirror.
* If you haven't seen me angry, you don't know me.
* I am a better writer than conversationalist.
* I may come across as a wise girl to some, but I am not famous for following my own advice.
* I miss my sister, but I would kill myself before admitting it to her face.
* I don't have any favourite colour, song, actor or food.
* I have terrible choice when it comes to clothes.
* I can't window shop. I can't shop. Period.
* I am always more excited about the car/ train/ bus journey than the trip itself.
* Although I might brag about knowing lots about and liking international cinema, I almost always end up watching/ re-watching a Hollywood rom - com when in the mood for a movie.
* My memory isn't half as good as a 21 year old's should be.
* I don't like making or taking calls unless I am extremely close to you. I am more of a text and email person.
* I think I manage to look decently good if I take pains. But I detest taking pains.
* Until 2010, I did not know how to apply kohl.

* I am funny.
* I have had close to 200 crushes in all my 21 years.

* I find it hard to believe that someone might have the hots for me.
* I can be a b*tch if I am your friend. You are perfectly safe if you are just an acquaintance.
* I get restless when I have to wander aimlessly. I prefer to plan things in advance.
* I usually skip through a much loved song or forward it when I am listening to it on my music player. But I wish to listen again and again when I come across it accidentally on the FM.
* I like dogs more than I like little babies.

* I name my gadgets, popular ones being Bobby (my BlackBerry) and Pintu (my netbook).

* I maintain a diary.

* My ego is more inflated than an average guy's.

* If I happen to hold a grudge against someone, it takes a while before I forgive, if I ever do.

I might have missed many. If you think you know me, please add to the list.