I do? I Do NOT!

Are you single and of marriagable age (read aged between 19 to 26)? Do your parents love to show off your talents in public? Are you Baniya or Jain or God forbid, both?

If your answer to the above questions is yes, then you have my sympathies with you. Of late, marriage seems like the hot topic. People around me are either newly weds, engaged, meeting a boy/ girl (ofcourse for wedding related purposes), cribbing about their marriage, looking for prospective bride/ grooms or enquiring about the same. Wedding, especially for us members of the fair sex, is expected to be  the ultimate purpose of life. I will explain with my own example. I pride myself in being the offspring of modern minded folks. Maybe the right phrase here would be – used to. My bubble burst when my elder sister tied the knot. Now my parents don’t seem much different than Anandi’s folks. (In case your mom isn’t addicted to this particular soap opera like my Ma, then let me enlighten you that Anandi is the famous child bride of the television drama Balika Vadhu which caused Colours channel's TRPs to shoot up). Suddenly the word 'marriage' began popping up in all the discussions around me! Of course I am not being bombarded with pictures and bio – data of strange men. Not yet. But being 21 has started feeling like a sin. No opportunity is left to remind me that I am the next in line. Going to social do’s (especially weddings!) has become a fearful task that I have come to loathe. There is always an Aunty or two at such a gathering who would be judging me with her X – Ray vision and creating a detailed report on how I would fare as her or some far – off relative’s daughter- in – law. Some women have made matchmaking the purpose of their dull lives and don’t leave any chance to suggest a boy, with detailed description of his looks, his father’s business and mother’s social standing, as a prospective son – in – law.

I don't blame parents for wanting to see their daughters happy and settled in their lives, but it is just sad when marrying off their daughters becomes a duty, accomplishing which will let them retire in peace. And hence, parents are ready to sacrifice their daughters careers, ambitions and aspirations if a proposal comes from a wealthy family. 

It's a hard world, and not just for women. Men, I believe face a different sort of pressure. If you belong to a service class family, the pressure is to find a respectable job, earn well enough to attract attention of a good family who will approve of the boy's gross income and hand over their daughter's hand to him. (Please pay extra attention to the adjectives: respectable job and earn well)

And if you are from a business family, then you are in more trouble brother. Have your share of fun and fulfill your fancies before diving headfirst in your beloved Daddy's business. Because you cannot escape the bees after smoking beneath their hive. Fulfilling your responsibility of being the business scion of the family is the green signal for wedding bells. The general notion is that once you are handling business full time, no matter what your age might be, you are eligible to be married. This is especially true for Baniya families. 

Somehow, parents seem to have the idea that marriage is equal to happiness. Of course I am a firm believer (and hopeful) of happy marriages but somehow being a wife or a husband isn't all that there is to life for me. Marriage isn't happiness. Marriages are to be made happy and that is only possible if both the parties involved are satisfied with their personal lives and each other. 

Sadly, most parents fail to understand the point and unlike some last entries, I do not have any solution to offer. And now I have to go hide in the bathroom. The neighbourhood matchmaker has come to pay a visit. Not a good time to be in viewing distance.

Adios.