Intolerance and Sarcasm

India is behaving like a rebel teenage girl who can't and won't take criticism from anybody. What is more proof of our rising intolerance that even comments from globally loved icons like SRK, Salman Khan can get us red in the face, and sadly, not from shame. And really, do the literary laureates returning their honours affect us at all? Who cares if they are protesting against rising intolerance in India - 90% or more of us had hardly even heard about them in the first place.

Moreover, aren't we tolerating so many things already? Rising prices of onions and toor dal, the dangerous levels of pollution, the overflowing population, half of newspapers covered with advertisements, the neighbourhood aunty dumping her garbage from her balcony onto the street, not just dogs - even strange men peeing at every wall, pillar, open gutter or car tyre. Isn't our patience tested enough? God knows we have done SO much against these! Haven't we? Or have we?

Plus, we aren't as intolerant as we are made out to be. Don't we allow all the rapes happening every day - every minute? We are very tolerant of that! As long as it doesn't happen in the family. I guess, we will tolerate it even then. Who'll go through all the pain of dealing with India's judiciary system. The chosen few victims get a candle march, a peaceful gathering at India Gate (which eventually turns violent complete with lathi charge and water cannons and tear gas and the works), petitions and open letters make it to the headlines, pump our emotions and then the wave passes with time as the headlines become overshadowed by the ludicrous temptation of the latest Snapdeal mega sale!

No, we aren't THAT intolerant. Don't we tolerate the acidic fumes rising from our revered Yamuna ji? Or the floating bloated carcasses of cattle, garlands, diya, matkas, flowers and plastic and more plastic having a leisurely swim in Ganga Maiyya? In fact, not just tolerate - we even help in ensuring that these motherly rivers stay the same way - if not get worse.

Wonder what all the hullaboo is about rising intolerance... 

Actually, all those who roll up their sleeves, widen their eyes and start spewing choice insults at every comment which can be remotely connected to religion, Pakistan, and now - the latest fad - beef!, are basically just bored people who are ever on the look out for something to play with. And they happen to have that special power which attracts the fourth pillar of our democracy - the know all, tell little - media.

And there is nothing  bad about being short tempered, right? Even if they might just enjoy a beef jerky or a scrumptious beef burger in the quiet privacy of their homes, with their mouth still full of their respected mother - the holy cow - they will point their greasy fingers at people, outside whose little jhuggis they throw the bones of their meal.

It is indeed shameful how India is partially intolerant. How we choose to turn a blind eye to heinous crimes but don't hesitate to raise our voices against every petty issue. Are we so dimwitted that we keep hanging out our tongues and wagging our tails when we listen someone talk about 'Acche Din' and get to know details of the food prepared for dignitaries when they fulfill their childhood wish of desh duniya darshan? Can we really, a nation of 120 crores, keep silent at the hiatus created by a handful of hooligans who believe they can splatter grease/ ink, throw their show at or open the gutter of their mouth at anyone who has an opinion to share? Maybe it is time we remove the tag of democracy from India's shrinking list of adjectives.

An ashamed, highly tolerant, Indian.

The BIG Beautiful World

So I was watching Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation a few days back. (Note: Go watch it! Cruise is mind blowing!) That night I tired to recount all the places Ethan Hunt visited in the movie - Washington, Vienna, Morocco, Afghanistan, London, Paris, Indonesia and I still couldn't recall all of them. I started thinking about all the beautiful, absurd, amazing, weird things in the world that I will never get to see. 196 countries in the world. How many would I get to explore. Not just as a tourist. Really see, experience, live and feel? This question pinched me for a long long time keeping me awake for a good few hours. 

This was immediately followed by all the negative things that my mind could conjure up about India. The politics, the poverty, the dirt. I know Gandhi wouldn't have been happy, what with his 'Be the change you want to see' ideology. But my getting angry alone at people littering on the streets and taking extra care to drop my wrappers in the bin won't get the country clean any time soon. At least not till the time I am around. The poverty won't vanish in another couple of decades or millenniums. Forget all the roads, even the NH - 24 won't get broadened or pothole free for another 5 years it seems (despite the project been approved ages ago). The corruption will just grow, whatever PM Modi might say or do. Things are not looking up for India. 

So the idea of escaping to another country, a better developed country, took seed in my mind and started spawning desperate attempts: frantic job searches in Europe, courses in Australia, work visa requirements for the US. Every red mail van, every stray lash from my eyes, every pair of mynah, every journey under a train on a bridge led me to repeat a carefully scripted wish of migration to a developed European country where I and my partner can be happy, wealthy and together!

I became irritable, spent my days dreaming about my life in a foreign country. I even stalked my friends living abroad on Facebook living vicariously through their Facebook posts. I took unnecessary stress.

It took unpleasant ways (nope, not writing about them!) to wake me up to reality. Uprooting your life might look like a pretty proposition, but it is not an easy one. Could I leave both sets of my parents behind? Could I leave the home that we have spent our savings to build (and I haven't even lived there yet)? Could I adjust in a foreign culture? And even if the answer is yes, things don't just happen overnight. And I should know myself better. After all, I am someone who craved and craved for the right anarkali suit, found it after much efforts, bought it, wore it twice and now it hangs neatly ironed in my wardrobe - half forgotten. What if this itch to migrate is like want of a an anarkali? What if it wears off after some time?

So, I have woken up to reality. Although that doesn't mean I will stop trying. Once in a while, I will try and wait for everything to fall right in place - the right opportunity, the right situation, the right time. Till then, I am letting go of my dream. Wander and come back to me if you are meant to :)

*sigh*

Plus, home is where the heart is. Aur aakhir dil hai hindustani. Tedha hai, par mera hai. *self consolation*

Aunty Mat Kaho Na

Remember the first time you were called aunty or uncle, instead of didi or bhaiya? It really twists up your gut, doesn't it? You smile politely, and maybe even correct the defaulter, who invariably is a kid, but inside you are writhing in fury and self doubt. But the transition from didi to aunty is an unavoidable one and rather painful too. The sad truth is that even I have resignedly accepted my fate. So when some kid in the elevator addresses me as didi (instead of aunty), I revel in the pleasure of knowing I still look young enough! And I am often transported back to the times when I was still just Pinki or Sukriti.

Till college first year, I had no one to even address me as didi. I was the baby of the family, the youngest kid. So while I had tonnes of didis and bhaiyas, I was never ever called that. Even when juniors in college took to calling their seniors as didi, I strongly asked them to call me by my name. And now, hearing didi (instead of aunty. Ugh!) feels so... rejuvenating! So how does this transition from didi to aunty happen? I try to find out:

1. The wrong side of 20s: Because I am still perched at the verge, 25+ seems like an aunty-able age (This opinion may change post 28th September this year). But I think post 25th birthday, all didis become auntys. It is like a cassette, whose side has to be changed from A to B. So after 25, your side B begins. I think the case is a little better for men. They get a grace period of 5 years and get to be bhaiyas till they are around 30 year old.

2. Occupational Hazard: I got to know the hard way that-

working woman = mature, smart, worldly wise = AUNTY

Argh! So, don't take it personally when fresh out of college, with a spring in your step, you come back from your first day at your new job and suddenly you are now known as XYZ aunty instead of the much preferred didi.

3. You get married: So one thing that does happen overnight post marriage is that with the tag of mami, bhabhi, chachi etc. comes the 'aunty' tag too! Neighbours of in-laws introduce you to their kids as 'Beta, chalo aunty ko hello bolo'. And then it just sticks.

4. Insecure women: No, it is just not your fault alone that you suddenly become aunty. It won't be wrong to blame the insecure women in your neighbourhood, jealous of your youth, who teach their offspring to call you aunty, instead of didi, so that she isn't the only aunty around. It is a vicious cycle!

5. Face it!: So, ya, maybe I should be brave and face the fact that *sigh* I am getting older (and smarter too, hopefully) and I don't look like a kid anymore. My maturity shows on my face and hence, I should think of aunty as a term of respect bequeathed upon someone who seems considerably more wise and intelligent than the other person. Even though, it is mostly a kid in our case.

I won't lie, it is indeed one of the many reasons, howsoever tiny, that I wish to settle down in a developed country where women are still addressed by name or Ms. Jain or Mrs. Pandey. Till that happens, I am being a tolerant aunty.

Social Networking

Kanpur is a city rich in history and culture. Kanpuriya people have an attitude which can give Lady Gaga a run for her money. And their warmth is unmatched. Maybe these were the reasons I fell for a Kanpur boy. Even after over 2 years of marriage, the learning from the city are too many to remember but once learnt, impossible to forget! I am talking about the the sights, the smells of the city which leave no time for the distractions offered by the technological advancements like music players, smart phones, tabs etc. With the paan stained walls, among the gutkha chewing people and the borderline cute nuances of the language, Kanpur is one large offline social networking platform. Why? Here's why:

1) Smartphone: I checked my emails and Whatssap and Facebook and texts an hour before I de-boarded the train at Kanpur Central station. The next time I picked up my phone was on my way back to Delhi. The people and places at Kanpur are so engaging that a non - Kanpur resident won't find any time for the fancies of a smartphone. I was so entranced by warmth of relatives I had never met before or the home like feeling wherever I was invited, that I was almost rudely ignoring my phone.

2) Apna hi ghar samjho: Somehow, Dil waalon ki Dilli is still far behind Kanpur when it comes to treating guests. No fancy cutlery and crockery is on display, no starters and dessert and mouth freshners, you won't find tens of dishes on any grand dining table. Food at any one's home in Kanpur seems like food at your own home. I was served food in steel plates (most preferred by me), with desi ghee and lots of love. And no, the love wasn't the punjabi type (aur khaiye - aur khaiye). No one forced food down my gullet but instead made me feel like a member of the family - making me comfortable enough to take as many servings as I wanted. Oh, but the chaat is something most Kanpur-ites are very sensitive and passionate about! Never compare Delhi's chaat with Kanpur's. That would be an endless debate. Especially if you are the only Delhiite.

3) Aao panchayat karein: Within minutes of entering any Kanpur household, you shall know half the family controversies, complete history of the neighbours and all speculations about near and distant family! It's so entertaining and exciting! Who ran away with who, who should be getting married next, whose married life is on the rocks, which saas -bahu don't get along. You are made privy to the family's hot gossip. And there's nothing like gossip to make you feel a part of the family :)

4) Hey bhagwaan!: Religion is BIG in Kanpur and all the customs associated with it. Had I been a good Brahmin bahu, I would have been busy with poojas and fasts every other day. Fortunately my in - laws are sweethearts who know that I am an unsocial agnostic. So, the 7 day Holi festivities, all the different poojas involving orange sindoor, beautiful rangolis made with flour, supari, pretty clothes for the Gods and the yum food - sweet fried pooris, pede, fruits, kaccha khaana - pakka khaana, gujiyas - different items associated with different festivals or special days. It's fascinating to see the entire city celebrate each religious day with vigour!

5) Offline connections: In a close knit city like Kanpur, friends and family don't keep in touch just over Facebook. They meet on weekends, public holidays, festivals and special occassions like birthdays and anniversaries. Shopping in Naveen Market is still more happening than the Rave 3 and Zed Square malls or Jabong and Flipkart. If you don't see them active on the social media, just assume that they are busy networking in person.

The vibrant city of Kanpur might not be of everyone's taste, but it's flavours are uniquely endearing. Among all the paan spitting, gutkha chewing, gossip sessions, chaat tasting and food rich religious activities, I learned the true meaning of 'social networking'.

Kuch din to kaatiye Kanpur mein! :P

All about the money

Isn't it all about the money, almost always? Well, I am not being negative or beginning a philosophical monologue stating that money can't buy true happiness. I am just starting a conversation. Don't you think that our life revolves around and because of money? Money has become our life's fuel. We run on money, for money. Whoever thought of graduating from barter system to the currency system, would never have imagined that bits of paper, metal alloys and plastic would gain so much value in today's world. I mean, everything that we do has one common point, money. But what is interesting is that while money treats everyone the same (with an air of superiority, if I may add), everybody treats money differently. Here's what I have noticed:

1. Reverence: Some treat money like the god that it is. It is something not meant to be wasted on measly items of luxury like a meal at a high end restaurant or a fancy dress. It is meant to be saved and counted and counted again (in hopes that it would grow in number this time!) and saved. Saved for things that they won't get much time to enjoy. And sadly, their next generation would not even value the things that this hard earned money would have bought. Or maybe they are saving for a calamity which might never befall on them (god will), or if it does, the money would still not be enough (because it almost always never is).  

2. Pride: I have always felt that this seemingly positive word has a strong undercurrent of some sort of negative emotion, although I could never quite put my finger on it. People take pride in their money. In the wealth that they have inherited, earned, collected through whichever mean or the wealth they don't have but like to imagine out loud that they do. And when we are proud, it tends to show, whether we intend to or not (mostly we intend). Extra information like the stars of the restaurant, the brands of clothes, the carats of diamonds, the make of cars, the cost of watches and shoes starts slipping in conversations. It can be fascinating for those who have reverence for money or irritating for those who are just 'matter - of - fact' about it. 

3. Matter - of - fact: These are usually those who have been brought up with money. They usually don't brag about it, but they still stink of the moolah (their or their daddy's). Be it the latest iPhone in their Gucci purse, or the always perfectly french - pedicured feet in Jimmy Choos, the dark and light brown squares of Louis Vuitton  on the belt which is holding their Armani denims, the money isn't shown, but is very clearly visible. They don't bother about the money. Have always had it, will always have it, don't really care about it but won't be able to survive without their Calvin and Klein eau de toilette or Victoria's Secret undergarments. 

4. Disdain: I have also known people who have they big money, and feel guilty about it. They would rather be the aam aadmi travelling in public transports and eating roadside vada paos. They are acutely aware of the extra attention being doled upon them because of the shiny platinum credit cards in their wallets and they hate it! They would work extra hard to seem like just one of "us" because they scorn the money that they were born in. But try as much as they can, it becomes difficult for them to dissociate themselves from the wealth.

5. The Whip Holder!: Ooh, this section of people is exciting and fun and just so interesting! They have the  money, they know it and they want people to know it through all fancy means. Family weddings (nothing less that Jodha - Akbar style), birthday bashes (foreign trips with free loader friends!), shopping (although preferable in London, Dubai or New York, but Emporio Mall in Delhi might do as well) etc. They are the uncrowned leaders of their social circles (even though their social circles would mostly comprise of  other whip holders or some matter - of - fact-ers).

This is just a snapshot of the middle class, upper middle class and high class sect of the society. There are a hundred and more ways in which people treat their money. I pendulum from reverence (I got this from my parents, especially Ma) to pride (depending on the status of my salary, currently  very very delayed! hence, past reverence to desperate for some green in my bank account!) and hope to be a matter of fact. I have no qualms or judgement about any of these people. It is their money and they can treat it however. All I wish to say it is that money might be something that the world is revolving around, but it is always nice to have someone with whom and on whom you would want to spend that money. And when you have that someone (or someones), the money does make things much hunky dory, but little or no money doesn't hurt that bad either. :)