The sun is playing hide – and – seek, the wind plays tricks. The weather is just perfect for a romantic date but this is certainly not the season for romance. Much unlike Bollywood, all love stories around me are climaxing towards a sad end. People are more open minded, more modern. There are plenty of opportunities to meet new people, a million new places to explore with your beloved. So then what really is the problem? Let’s try and find out:
- You, me, we: Yes, we are the problem here. It is so easy for us to fall in love. A pretty new girl in office? All the young bachelors would be figuring out ways to impress her, desperately looking for an opportunity to talk to her, searching her profile on Facebook, practicing their lines before talking to her. All the married men would be shooting side glances at her and bubbling with unsuppressed glory when she bestows them with a smile.
The cutest guy in office said a casual ‘Hi there’ to you? The lady would soon be imagining all sorts of hidden meanings behind those two – words. Every night, she’d be spending an hour in front of her wardrobe thinking about what colour or cut would please him. All her friends would be bored of tales about how the cute guy at work is conspicuously flirting with her.
Falling in love is easy. But once you become officially committed, finding faults becomes easier. Losing patience comes naturally. Accuses, blames, verbal fights, bitching, tears and then goodbye.
Solution: The heart is a muscle which pumps blood. It has got nothing to do with love! So before our hormones get out of control, let’s move beyond the prettiness and use our brains to think about bigger issues like compatibility and understanding.
- I’m sorry, what were you saying?: Let me open this point with a little example: Last evening, walking back home from the metro station, I noticed a couple in a cycle rickshaw. The boy had his arm around the girl’s shoulder and the girl was resting her head on the boy’s shoulder. They were holding hands. The girl was smiling and saying something. I was just about to go ‘Aw! How sweet’ when a girl in a short black dress, open hair and big sunglasses passed the rickshaw. The boy almost broke his neck trying to see that young girl as she passed the rickshaw. And he might as well have been X – Raying her with his eyes, the way he was gawking at her from head to toe and back again! All this while his poor girlfriend was still babbling about something oblivious to her boyfriend’s cheapness.
So the point here is: Low Attention Spam; which is directly related to my first point above. It is too easy to fall in love again and again and again. Ye dil maange more! The grass in always greener on the other side of the hill. And once you reach the other side, the next hill seems even more greener. And it never ends! Adultery and unfaithfulness are the biggest reasons behind break – ups these days.
Solution: Respect and cherish what you have. Remember the reason why you fell in love and give reasons to your beloved to love you back. Would you like your boyfriend or girlfriend to check out some hottie the way you have been eyeing that hot girl or cool dude?
- That inflated thing: Ego! The destroyer of relations and the enemy of lovers. I am always right and you are, obviously, always wrong. Who are you to suggest anything to me? What even makes you think that you can get away with pointing faults in me? Yes, Ego!
This one problem is the hardest to overcome. Even after you pledge your whole life to someone, you would always remain selfish. It is always easier to shout than to listen and analyse. It is always easier to find faults in others than to introspect. It is so much easier to blame the other person for the problems in the relationships than to think where we are doing wrong. And in today’s times, when women are equal to men in all respects, it would be unfair to say that it is the male – ego which is even more inflated than a hot – air balloon. We women are no less.
Solution: Once you start thinking about both of you (you and your beloved) as one entity, you think about the combined interests. So even when you act selfish, it is for the both of you. Also, in case of a disagreement, let your partner iterate his/ her problems first. Listen carefully, think it over rationally from your and your partner’s perspective and then give your arguments, requesting your partner to think them through. By giving yourself and your beloved time for analyzing each other’s argument, you take away the rage from the moment. You stop being driven by ego and start thinking rationally. Although, trust me, it is easier said than done.
- What is it that you want?: Most times, when in a relationship, we tend to assume that our darlings obviously want/ like/ prefer/ enjoy the same things as we do. So when you cancel a movie plan to take your girlfriend home for cosying – up, you might find her a bit unenthusiastic. Or you might wonder why your boyfriend looks so lost even though you are shopping for him in that mall.
I’ll give you an example here: A friend of mine threw a lavish surprise b’day party for his girlfriend. He had called all her and his friends there. There was music and dancing and cake and booze and fifty odd people enjoying. His idea of a perfect party. Though his girlfriend was aptly surprised, she did not seem to be enjoying the party. My friend was so distraught that his girlfriend did not appreciate his gesture that a long and ugly fight ensued between the two, leading to a very messy break – up. Actually, what the girl was looking forward to was a quiet romantic dinner alone with her boyfriend. She did not much care for a noisy party where scores of little known people came just for the free alcohol.
When we impose our preferences on our beloveds, we are hampering their individuality and making them like ourselves.
Solution: Ofcourse we do things for each other when we are in a relation, but it is always a good idea to maintain a healthy balance. If one week, you take your boyfriend for shopping or massage, then try your beau’s idea of fun the next time. If you want to spend your Sunday at home sipping beer and reading newspapers, then take your girlfriend out on Saturday night if she enjoys partying or eating out! Try to step in your partner’s shoes and think like them, for them. Because when you are in a relationship, make your beloved more important than yourself. If he/ she values you the same way, it would be a perfect relationship!
But then in this busy world who has the time to think about someone else when we are anyway too preoccupied with ourselves. So ladies and gents, here lies the problem. We have begun to think that it is easier to fall in love again than trying to make the current relationship work.
As I said, this is certainly not the season for romance.
What more, on a Wednesday evening, in this pleasant weather, I have nothing better to do than sit in my pyjamas, with oiled hair and a sandalwood pack on my face, and write this blog entry!
Hence, proved!
