The One - Err... Really?

“Hum ek baar jeete hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi  bhi ek baar hoti, aur pyaar, wo bhi ek baar hota hai…”

Despite the undeniable fact that Shahrukh Khan looks absolutely convincing (and deliciously gorgeous) when he delivers these lines in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, many would still scoff at him and his theory of once – in – a – lifetime. This is not an era where love happens just once and as most Hollywood stars would provide evidence for, neither do marriages. But Bollywood courses through our veins. We may deny it to our heart’s desire but we all love love stories. And we are all waiting for ‘The One’. If we already are with someone, then we hope with all our might for her/ him to be ‘The One’.

Question #1: Who is ‘The One’?

There are no definitions. Girls get dreamy eyed when asked this question, some even blush, and rattle on a much heard list of adjectives which invariably include tall, handsome, sensitive, understanding, blah and blah. Honest (and straight) men would admit that their ‘The One’ would be some hot chick with killer curves. And there would always be those practical people who’d explain how their perfect one would complement their thinking and morals and lifestyle and pockets! Everyone starts making a little list in their mind when asked what their ‘perfect one’ would be like. Although most lists would end up being rather similar, everyone’s eventual choice would turn out to quite unique.

Question #2: How do you know you’ve met ‘The One’?

A very dear friend of mine, according to her family and many friends, is now of marriageable age. Like all good parents would, hers are groom hunting as well. She told me about a few suitable suitors she’d met. Although a few freak cases were there, but quite a few were handsome, well spoken, well to do (loaded, in other terms!) and had a good family to back them. But she still wasn’t impressed enough to want to marry any of them. Why? As she puts it, it didn’t click. I used to roll my eyes at her. But now when I write this, I think I do agree with her.

First impressions are lasting. And unfortunately, everyone seems to know that and hence, everyone wants to leave a lasting and good first impression. Most of which is pretentious and a load of bull – crap. So most guys my dear friend of marriageable age would have met would have been very similar to each other in their behavior. Polite, appropriately shy and appropriately funny, decent and they all would have been wearing good shoes (Men have somehow the idea that women notice a man’s shoes first! Hurr!). The only (and rather important) difference would be in the looks department which they wouldn’t have been able to do much with. In that case, my friend is no way wrong if she is using her intuition for making the most important decision of her life, rather than just basing it on what she sees.

We all might have met hundreds of good looking men and women. We do get infatuated (well, I certainly do!), but at the risk of sounding terribly sappy, we only seem to be falling in love when something.. clicks!

Question #3: Can there be a “Second One”?

So you think this is it. You have found your perfect partner, your soul – mate, the love of your life. You have committed your life to loving this person unconditionally and living happily ever after with her/ him. And then your bubble bursts. The reason can be any: either of you cheated, either of you turned out to be an insecure, over possessive prick or you just fell out of love or fell for someone else. Of course one might argue that they had made the wrong choice in the first place and that person never was ‘The One’. Although, I believe that would be rather unfair on that person. That is why in the movie K2H2, even Mr. Know – It – All, SRK realized that we do live once, but in that life we are given ample opportunities to explore love. So there can be a second one and just might be a third one or fourth… the number doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we are happy with our choice and we don’t regret.

So, don’t hold yourself back waiting for ‘The (Perfect) One’. Remember, even if you find someone perfect it won’t guarantee you happiness because you won’t be perfect enough for her/him. And you might just end up missing someone who might not be perfect, but might be ‘The One’ after all.

But, never be hasty about love. You’ll just end up bruised.

Be a bit more selfish. Don’t swear by Bollywood hoping that your love story would eventually have a happily ever after even though you are going through the hardest possible time. You deserve a lot more. Never compromise.

Here’s to hoping that we all find our ‘The One’ and get to keep him/ her.. or ‘The Second One’ or ‘The Third One’ or… Oh, never mind the number. Cheers!

Think much?

Few night ago I had a most stimulating conversation with a very dear friend. It gave me a lot of food for thought. I won’t go into the details of the conversation, but in brief, I asked him a question. Admittedly, it had no connection with our light hearted chatter. My question was, we might think that we are bringing joy to someone’s life but if we think about the flip side, what if we are in actual complicating the other person’s life by being a burden he is not habitual of carrying? (Okay, yes, I am a bit demented but in my defense, Saturdays spent at home do that to me!)

What he told me just might be the best advice I have ever received in my life. He accused me of thinking too much. Until now, I used to think (yes, think again!) that it is a sign of intelligence. I prided myself in being a thinker till I wrapped my head around this example.

You see the movie ‘3 Idiots’ for the first time. You love it! You see it for the second time, you like it still. You see it for the third time and you think, okay, Aamir Khan was over – acting a bit.

The point is by third time, you start thinking, which is something you aren’t meant to do. And when you start thinking about things, you are bound to find things that you won’t like.

My friend said: One should never think about the good things in one’s life. That doesn’t mean that you take them for granted either. Good things are meant to be felt. They should be appreciated and enjoyed. By pondering over them we just spoil them. So, with regards to the convoluted question I had put to him, if you are happy, and the other person in question seems happy as well, why even think of negative thoughts?

I observed my thoughts and realized that things I ponder a lot about are all negative. And then it hit me. Those thoughts are negative only because I ponder over them.

Our elders also agreed to the same. They are an intelligent lot. Their age old customs might seem old – fashioned and inconvenient to us, but the ideology behind them is very practical. Elders always insist that courtship period for any couple should be brief.  Most couples will swear by the fact that the time between their engagement and wedding was the golden period of their relationship. Well, that is because they just enjoyed each other’s company and felt happy. Getting to know each other becomes so fascinating, that there is no time to spare for thinking. Too much time guarantees thinking and a too – much – thinking human brain is the origin of every problem in the world. When our mind thinks too much, it is bound to think negatively.

You see both me and Dawood Ibrahim have the same coloured blood, one liver and two kidneys. It is just the brain which makes all the difference. It is the brain which makes a person good or evil.  A person with nothing better to do will think and think and think evil!

Most people are under the impression that ‘thinking’ and ‘perception’ mean the same thing. But my dear friend told me his theory that the word – ‘thinking’ has a negative connotation while perception is much more positive in nature. Perception is what you feel about a thing, situation or person. And thinking is well, thinking.   

So, thank you dear friend for giving me a whole new perception. From now on...

Experiment!

Traditional, poor, orthodox, spiritual and…. Tandoori Chicken Tikka! This is what most foreigners think when they think India. Or should I say used to think? Because India and Indians are changing, and how! Many of us would call it the GenX syndrome or the Internet revolution or the Satellite television age. But I being one of the wise ones (and credit hungry) in this blessed country would like to put it this way that all the changes we have been witnessing are because we Indians have finally opened up our hearts – minds – souls. In my dictionary, the X in GenX stands for EXPERIMENT!

Time for my famous examples to explain my blabbering. Half a year ago, hardly a few would have known Sebastian Vettel or knew which team Fernando Alonso races for (which is Ferrari by the way) or knew anything more about Schumacher other than the fact that he is a celebrated car racer. In fact my neighbor did not even know what the F in the F1 stands for!  But with a few days to go before the F1 racing is finally inaugurated on Indian Soil (specially treated for the event, mind you!), the whole nation is going berserk! Everywhere I go, people are talking about it, buying tickets (at exorbitant prices!), planning F1 themed parties and what not. Seems like Cricket would be having some tough competition in the near future. And not just from F1. Maybe from Basketball or American Football or Rugby or Golf!

Well, the point that I am trying to raise is that we have solemnly opened ourselves to experimenting. We are not hesitant to explore little explored territories. No wonder we have so many restaurants exclusively dedicated to Chinese, Italian, Japanese and Mexican cuisines (By the Sancho’s is a great place if you are looking for authentic Mexican in Delhi).

We have begun experimenting with sports, food, fashion, even what we want to see on the television. And before we realized it, the others did. They saw tremendous scope in this country. So they took up the task of taking us on a journey of the less travelled road; and our enthusiasm, which exuberates from our pockets, increases the number of zeros in their profits! But I certainly don’t see anyone complaining.

But I hope that on seeing this adventurous streak in the GenX, the landline generation doesn’t think of it as a further increase in the chasm which still divides India into two generations. And I don’t hope in vain. Because slowly, but surely, we have been able to coax their rigid minds to open. And every little experiment they open up to, marks a new ray of hope. Guess what, my Dad loves Mexican cuisine and my Mom almost owns the same number of denims as I do!

Let’s keep experimenting. J