The Complication called Love...

Read earlier posts of my blog  and the number of entries on 'love' will have you wondering how old I really am. But then, love always brings out the teenager in people. And teenage being the most interesting phase of life, gives a lot of spice to talk about!

It is sort of voyeuristic to scrutinise someone else's love life, but people tend to over play or under play their emotions when in love, both of which are bound to raise curiosity to know the reality.

Although its needless to repeat the cliché dialogue of Bollywood movies, but so that we are on the same page, here goes: Love doesn't know the boundaries of religion, age, status and now a days even gender! No one intentionally complicates their life by falling for someone out of their league. When you see a young girl and a (comparatively) old man walking together hand in hand, or spot a handsome guy enjoying a cosy rendevouz with a not - so pretty girl, you might scoff at them and question why, how and what. But does the word 'love' not suffice as an answer to all your doubts? See, love is not the most intelligent of emotions around. In fact, like most strong emotions like anger, jealousy, lust, even joy, it clouds over your reasoning ability. You think odd matched couples don't know that their future together might be bleak, their romance short lived or that they are inviting the ire of their friends, family and society? Oh, they know! They have analysed their situation from a million angles hoping to see a rosy picture from at least one of them. In spite of their success or failure in procuring a reasonable explanation for their situation, the irresistible attraction rules their mind.

New love is the most dangerous sort of love among other kinds. Because a new crush is hardly distinguishable from a new love, I have experienced the surging emotions, vulnerability and the irrational desire of being around ' him' several times now. And each time I have a new crush, which is very often, it hits afresh!

So considering the difficult time each love bound heart faces, I have tried to make it easier for them. I know it is easier said than done, but here goes:

1. Find a confidant: Oh how I wish I had someone like me to share my feelings which were creating a havoc inside me, when I was struggling with a new love.  Unlike most of us like to believe, our love story isn't one of a kind. People fall in and out of love all the time. So, never hold back thinking that no one will understand what you are going through. In fact, someone might even give you a much needed fresh perspective. You may or may not take their advice, but just being able to talk about your situation can be such a relief!

Note of caution: Find a trustworthy confidant. Gossip is fun only when you are doing it. And not when its about you.

2. Be true to yourself: Accept your feelings. Running away from them is not going to help. Talk to yourself. Or write if it helps (it works for me!). Once you organise your emotions and know how hard you have fallen, your corresponding actions would have more expected and desirable results. Well excuse me for sounding like an office clerk but sometimes love needs to be seen objectively to act reasonably. I know I'm doing it again. Anyway, basically be true to yourself. Don't keep trying to convince yourself otherwise.
Maybe it should have been point #1 but sometimes a third person makes you realise your true feelings.

3. Analyse: A guy (rather cute one at that) once told me that whenever he fell for someone, he imagined that girl sitting on his bike holding on to him with henna coloured hands. (He also mentioned, holding a baby or two, but I'm skipping that part because it did not fit with the image of myself on his bike which I was imagining with rich visual details in my head. Needless to say, I had a strong crush on him!). I'd like to believe that affairs/ relationships in this part of the world are still associated with a some what long term commitment. Even if you might get into a relationship thinking of it as a casual affair, a time might come when either you or your partner end up falling real hard in love! So, to avoid spending sleepless nights thinking, what to do now?, a little bit of analysing in the early stages can be a lifesaver. It might sound silly to many but I have always been a planner. And I wouldn't want to screw up my future because I'm happy watching movies or enjoying romantic meals with someone. There is much more to life than that. My mom often reminds me 'Pyar se pet nahi bharta'. So, analyse components like compatibility and maturity levels. Of course you might make mistakes because it is hard to reason with a love tinted mind. But visualising the future and analysing it a bit reduces scope of pain. Or at least prepares you for it. And that is how we come to point # 4.

4. Accept the consequences: If by now you have disregarded the above 3 points as being unrealistic, ruthless and heartless then I'm sure I can proceed to the last point so that you can complete my image in your head as a foolish young girl who knows nothing about the world but loves to preach anyway. And if by any chance, you have seen and understood even 10% of the logic I have tried hard to put behind the above three points, you might find point #4 bearable too. So after knowing your feelings, taking a trustworthy third party's opinion and analysing the situation you plan to take the plunge or decide to go in deeper than you already are, be ready to face the consequences too. Sorry if that came out creepy. Let me put it this way. All the good, happy, nice, joyful, sweet things that happen to you will be because of you. But then, don't blame anyone else for the bad ones too. If you have really analysed this relationship, then you might have a fair idea of complications that might arise and you are still going ahead with it because you believe you can handle it, you'll cross the bridge when you reach it or you have painted a much too hopeful picture. Whatever it might be, accept it with grace.

I am not a love guru. I don't have much personal experience of relationships. I'm just a keen observer. I know the above points aren't infallible. People change, time is a b*tch or we might be plain unlucky. Take it all with a pinch of salt.  Because what would love be if not complicated?

My Secret Diary

I was flipping through my journal last night for want of better things to do. Since, my life is not as eventful as it used to be when I was still in school or college, I update my journal on rare occasions. Or maybe the excitement and curiosity has dimmed with age. (I sound like a depressed middle aged spinster! Ageing sucks!). Back to my journal, I am glad I hide it in a super secret place and my sister is married and hence her snooping around has ceased. Basically, I'm glad no one really is interested in reading my diary entries anymore, because had they bothered, they might have had me admitted to some institution for cuckoos! I sound morbid to myself!

Well, my diary is way to personal to share examples with you but I'll give you the gist. Most entries show me upset and angry over a fight with my mother or friends. An argument I had with my sister. In entries from six months back I sound frustrated with my job. Even earlier, I was disturbed seeing my best friends moving out of town. Before that, when I was more regular, I am cribbing about some minor (actually, it was rather major at that that) argument in college. Oh, the one where I am just venting my anger and frustration are still fine, almost normal, almost. 

What really shook me were the frequency of entries full of self doubt. As much as I might advocate self introspection, it doesn't suit me. I sound guilty for someone else's mistakes. It feels like I'm holding myself responsible for someone else's misery. I have trashed my confidence by questioning my talent and potential and blamed myself for everything wrong happening in the world. Thank goodness, I did not hold myself responsible for global warming and terrorism else I would have committed suicide to relieve myself from all the grief after reading my own diary! But don't worry world, you still have your dear blogger for a long long time. *rejoice!*

Although I was taken aback after reading the morbid part, I soon realised that instead of sharing these macabre subjects with the few good people I have in my life, and hence, screwing up their mood as well, it is probably better to vent it all out of my system without letting my negativity to rub off on others. Not like my issues are major. In fact I have a blessed life *touchwood* and re - reading my diary just reinforced it. It is human to get worked up about things which scare or upset us, like sneaking out dad's car and crashing the tail lights beyond repair, feeling jealous when your best friend chose to be in someone else's work group rather than yours in college, feeling remorseful and a bit alone after your sister's wedding and... err... I guess I'm giving away too much now! 

But each of my morbid post taught me a lesson. No really! I'm not trying to be preachy here, just telling the truth. Now if I reflect on the bad parts, they have taught me a lesson and made me the strong person I am. Besides, what I really liked about all the negative entries was that they all end with a positive sentence, a hope that things would be okay. Even though a few times they look forced, but at least I was trying to make myself feel better (I must admit I'm impressed with myself!)

And there are those occasional feel good write ups about a nice date, a thoughtful chat with a friend, a family outing, a heart - to - heart with my mother or anything which upped the good quotient in the day! And I had written them in my diary because either they were too private to share or it was too late to call someone up and share and because I was so full of happiness that I could burst, I blurted it all in my little secret diary. But if the reason for the very limited number of happy posts is that I shared it with other people, then that makes the good moments more worthwhile.

So, how does your diary read?