Need a shoulder?

Everyone has played agony aunt. Some people enjoy it, other don’t. As for me (it’s MY blog so obviously I’ll get more footage!), I don’t know about enjoying it but people seek my services as one oftet. Reason being, I believe I come across as a very quiet, wise and understanding person (not that I claim to be it all) but it makes people assume that I would be a good agony aunt.

Playing agony aunt for men can be a satisfying experience because you can give them your suggestions, discuss their problems rationally, point out where they went wrong. In short, most guys won’t mind criticism and look forward to suggestions. But you have to tread carefully around their extremely inflatable male ego. Just a bit too much of the wrong kind of wind and it goes bobbing in your face!

With women, playing agony aunt is an all together different ball game. It is a hundred times more complex. Somehow, nothing you say seems to pacify the. Well, the solution is quite simple if you are patient enough to go through it. The most important thing to remember is that women DO NOT need anyone’s advice. They are only looking for a person (preferably dumb) who’d hear them out and grunt and nod at appropriate intervals. Don’t ever make the mistake of making any suggestions unless you have been explicitly asked for them atleast FIVE times! So hear them out patiently while they vent their heart out to you. But hold on guys, before you make elaborate plans of consoling the next distressed girl you see, listen to the hard part. We girls are rather smart, so, pretentious grunts and nods won’t be enough and we can very well catch the yawn you try to stifle. So basically, you need to assure them that they are right. Whatever they did was completely acceptable and any normal person would have done the same thing under such circumstances. You have to strategically twist around their words and give it back to them. Throw in a couple (actually,  make that a score) of compliments and totally filmy philosophy to convey that the pretty little distressed thing deserves so much more and only good can happen to such a good person. Oh, and don’t forget to add that the frown and tears don’t do justice with such a beautiful face and BINGO! She’d be smiling in no time. The only downside is that the whole session might go on for hours and would come up the next day and the next day and the whole week and might pop up months later as well. And you’d be expected to remember each and every word exchanged during that conversation.

So, is it a lose – lose situation for the consoler? Actually, I believe that it’s quite the opposite. Undeniably, it is a feel good thing for the agony aunt. The comfort seekers make you feel important and trust you enough to share their troubles with you. They also consider you wise and understanding to seek advice. Besides, this pedestal that you are placed on, you are also involved in someone else’s problems, the outcome of which won’t have any effect in your personal life. And essentially, all humans are voyeuristic in nature. Offering your suggestions or shoulder can make you a part of a live and exclusive real life daily soap. It’s another matter whether how much this drama interests or excites you.

A word of caution: If your name becomes synonymous with Agony Aunt/ Uncle, it can wreak your personal life and snatch away your peace of mind.

Though, I’m no veteran, I speak from my personal experience. I rarely share my problems with anyone and I am yet to master the art of solving my troubles satisfactorily. Therefor helping someone else (in whatever small way) with their problems makes me feel stronger and gives me hope that if I can help others, then being the selfish creature that I am, I can help myself better.

Also, being agony aunt can be very satisfying too. The knowledge that you could be some help to others (however trivial it might be), can do you a whole lot of good.

And there goes my phone again. Seems like someone need the agony aunt!

Of Dogs and Flirts

Often I’m reminded how colourful Delhiites are. And no, I’m not just talking about the clothes (though it’s hard to ignore the ishtylish fluorescent green vest with a blinding orange Lord Shiva  emblazoned on the front with fake Swarovski embellishments; and purple baggy pants hanging precariously mid – butt, threatening to fall anytime – actually such colourful characters deserve a blog post of their own!). But this post is dedicated to the rangeelay Dilliwaale. And what better than the Delhi metro to sample some samples?

And no sir, it’s not just the people! A few days ago back, when I was running up metro station’s escalator to catch the waiting metro which could make me reach office on time for once, I was greeted by an unusual sight. So as I was running, hair bellowing, bag clutched in my hand, spectacles slipping off my nose, I skidded inside the metro door just in time to stop myself from bumping into a dog.

A Dog? Well, a puppy actually, but a dog nevertheless. In the metro!

My eyes widened as I saw the little black and white spotted pup sitting on its haunches right at the door. It’s head was cocked to the left and it was looking at me questioningly. After the metro began moving, I straightened my hair and glasses, adjusted my heavy bag (Ma packs a heavy lunch) on my shoulder, I glanced at the lil’ pup again. It was still eying me with a particularly bemused expression. At this point I couldn’t suppress a smile and in turn the puppy stuck it’s tongue out, returning the smile. So I knelt down and scratched it behind the ears. And then it was pandemonium! Apparently the whole train was witnessing this playful exchange between me and the puppy with much interest. Now all the aunties and uncles were clucking their tongues with disapproval and shaking their heads at me.

Umm, yes. So what if the dog was an obvious stray?

So what it all the passengers were confused as to how it got on the train in the first place?

And I got quite a few appreciative glances from some young boys and, awed expressions from kids and disgusted expressions from their parents. Ignoring the attention, I went further inside the train. The little pup followed me. Now began the squealing! Girls were giggling, aunties were shrieking whenever the little pup got too close to their feet. Kids were getting giddy with excitement. Trying to hold back a smile, I settled into a seat (it was one of those lucky days when I managed to find one!). The pup, now scared and jumpy from all the screaming and shrieking, hid itself behind by legs and curled itself around my heels. I shook my heels playfully and prodded it a bit and it playfully responded by playing with the hem of my jeans. Finally, the puppy settled down for a nap around my heels. Soon, the pup’s entertainment value reduced as people shifted attention back to their morning papers or earphones. It was my best metro ride till date! But all the time I was wondering why no one had done anything about the estranged free rider? So, before de- boarding, I fondled the puppy’s head playfully, bid a quick goodbye to it (lest people start thinking me crazy!), pushed the emergency button and informed the driver about the ‘guest’ riding with us.

So, this was about the dog. Now the flirts! So the colourful characters of the city also include the very uniquely talented flirts. I am certain that all women above 14 would be well initiated to the indecent advances and lewd comments of the lecherous crowd. But their novel ways never fail to take me by surprise. I am very good with my poker face but at times even I can’t help not reacting! So this incident, like many recent ones, occurred in the metro as well. On my way back home from work, I was standing in the metro, holding the metro pillar for support. I was reading a book. My bookmark slipped from the pages and landed on the floor. But before I could even bend to retrieve it, a boy had already picked it. I thanked him politely and went on with my reading. But I soon became intensely aware of four people looking at me. They were young boys. Maybe college students. The boy who had helped me was also amongst them, wearing a candy red fitted t – shirt. The other three boys were decently dressed too. The weird thing was that all four were looking at me intently. But when I caught them looking, three of them averted their eyes but Mr. Sandy red gave me a little smile. I acknowledged him with a nod and turned my attention back to my book. Soon I could hear whispers. The four boys were talking about me. I was sure because I could still sense them looking at me. Finally, at one station, they made to get out. I was relieved because their stares and whispered conversations were making me uneasy. Mr. Candy red though, did not alight with his friends who called him again and again. Mr. Candy red did not budge from his place and told his friends that he had to try. I got off at the next station. Mr. Candy red followed me. I quickly exited the station but I knew he was still behind me. Just as I was about the go down the stairs, Mr. Candy red shouted excuse me and out of habit, I turned. The short conversation that followed was something like this:

Mr. Candy red: Hi.

Me: Yes?

Mr. Candy red: Umm, I just wanted to tell you that you are very beautiful.

Me: (Raised one eyebrow)

Mr. Candy red: And I think I have fallen in love with you.

Me: (Trying hard not to laugh) Excuse me?

Mr. Candy red: I am in love with you. Would you like to join me for a coffe?

Me: No. Sorry. I am not interested.

Mr. Candy red: Can I have your number please?

Me: Look, I am really not interested. I have to go.

I fled down the stairs thinking about all the intelligent retorts I could have given him.

Mr. Candy red (shouting from behind): Do you want me to follow you around till you get convinced?

I let myself smile a bit but made sure that he did not see it.

I was a bit flattered but mostly, surprised out of my wits! This was a first for me. Hence, I conclude that Delhi’s colourful crowd would never cease to surprise me. Be it dogs or flirts. 

Wishlist!

It's definitely not a things - to - do - before - I - die list. It's a comprehensive list of things I need before or immediately after a special occasion. This day comes once in every fortunate individual's life. It marks the beginning of a new chapter and brings you to the threshold of newer responsibilities and never - before - experienced powers. It is an awakening of sorts. If you still haven't been able to decipher the reason behind this sudden surge of enthusiasm, then fret not. Because the reason behind my delightful chirrups would be much celebrated by one and all! It is, hold your breath ladies and gentlemen...

My 21st Birthday!!

Umm.. I’ll ignore that I did not hear any drum rolls or crackers. Some people just love to kill others’ buzz. Oh and dare anyone blame me or an anti – climax!

Moving on…

NOTE: I’m only addressing people who shared my joy. Those who regret their indifference and nasty reactions may proceed after texting or emailing their apologies.

Because the day is so special (no arguments would be entertained on this subject), I have decided that it calls for extra effort on the part of my beloveds. So unlike previous years, when I maintained “I just want your wishes” stand, I would go a step further and ask (leaving all self respect behind) all my dear and nwar ones to contribute for my wishlist which goes like this:

1)   1)   Kitten: I adore dogs but I am a cat person. After Mao and Lucky, I feel utterly bereft. To fill this black hole, I absolutely NEED a cute little kitten (or two) on this birthday. Colour, breed, sex, no bar. This would be my best birthday present ever!

2)    2) Tattoo: This bug of getting inked had bit me a year ago. I have decided the place and the design already after days of research. All I need now are the funds (and permission from my folks!). I can imagine it and it looks fantastic!

3)    3) Mobile: This object would always star in every single one of my wishlist because I get bored so soon. But my maintenance, to my misfortune, is very good. To prove the point, I still use my three and a half years old Sony Ericsson K550i. now I need a fancier phone!

4)   4)  One TB external harddisk (full of movies): Classics, world movies, old cinema, latest releases of any genre are invited.

P.S. Lifetime free membership of a multiplex would be much appreciated.

5)    5) Books: I am surprised why it is on number 5! Anyhow, fictions by celebrated or lesser known authors make perfect birthday presents for me. I can devour books anytime and anywhere.

P.S. Consult me before buying any, incase it’s already in my little collection.

6)    6)  A Guitar pendant/  Charm bracelet: I’m not a jewellery person. But I have my heart set on a cute little guitar pendant I saw at a Disney store. The invisible sign above it screamed “Sukriti’s perfect B’day present” with neon lights and all. Also, I so want a delicate charm bracelet which has charms symbolizing events or things or people which have influenced and shaped my life over the years. For instance, a musical note, a book, a cat, initials of loved ones etc.

7)    7) A popcorn vending machine: I love the smell of fresh hot salted popcorn. It’s irresistible! I have dreamed of having my own personal popcorn making machine like the elaborate and colourful one’s we find in hill stations and multiplexes, in my bedroom. I think it would make watching movies (the ones on my 1 TB Hard-disk) a million times better!

8)    8) An amusement park in my backyard: I realize that my wishes are getting very unrealistic and crazier as I procced but then if I won’t say it out loud, my chances of getting them fulfilled are reduced even further. And I am not taking chances! Well, my explanation for this one is that I’m a thrill junkie! I can spend hours in any amusement park taking the same rides again and again. The more dangerous, the better. And the feel of the park, happy people, bright lights, magicians, clowns, music, laughter, kids, lovely aromas and everything else is so beautiful! If fitting a customized park in my backyard is a problem, I can make do with a lifetime membership of a good amusement park.

9)    9) A Trip: This one is more reasonable and genuine. In my 21 years, I have never ever had an airplane ride. It is actually an embarrassing confession. I do have my passport, but it’s still unmarked. A little trip to a beautiful and remote island would be a wonderful present!

10)  Surprise Me!: Yes! Throw me a surprise party with all my loved one’s invited. Lots of dance and music and karaoke and lots of fun. Give me something which I never expected yet secretly desired. I have often maintained that flowers are a waste of money but then which girl does not like being pampered with flowers and chocolates and stuffed toys! I like creative gifts. Hand made ones always make me emotional. I love self drawn birthday cards. I wish someone would write me letters on my birthday. I hope to find my mailbox full of letters and cards and parcels when I wake up in the morning. I just want to feel special and loved on my special day.

It’s not really crazy. A bit silly though, but mostly simple. It’s a well thought out list of my most desired wishes. And I guarantee that the return gifts would be even better!

So, make me happy!!

 P.S. Get working on it! Soon! :D