A lot has been said and written about gender equality and how, even the most intellectual women in the Indian society, often end up being a glorified maid. But still, not enough times. Millions of times I have asked this question to my peers that why is house work considered to be a woman's job. I am not looking for an answer when I ask this. I look for someone who would come up and say - you are right - men and women should share all responsibilities. There should be no labels like man's job or woman's job.
I have great respect for all homemakers. The responsibility is neatly divided - the wife runs the house and the husband earns the money for the same. But I have no regret in saying that I look down upon the big earners who think managing the kitchen, the laundry, the kids, the parents and the house is not really a job and feel superior.
I come from a big joint family. The woman in my family are all strong willed ladies who lead their families or participate equally in all decision making - working or homemakers. Both my parents are teachers. My parents do the laundry together. If my mother cooks, then my father takes over the job of slicing and dicing fruits and vegetables. If my mother does the dusting, my father scrubs the bathroom. If my mother irons clothes, my father arranges the wardrobe. My mother never bothers about the finances, the investments the policies. My father is the finance minister. But not a penny is spent without her opinion and approval.My mother likes to read books, she does her yoga everyday and goes out with her friends. My father likes to play cards on his computer, surf the internet and run his religious group. My mother is the calm one. My father is strong willed. My mother follows my father but when she puts her foot down, my father has no option but to obey.
They are both independent individuals, but still so co-dependent.
My mother often asked me to at least step in the kitchen once in a while and learn to cook enough to not starve when alone. But I am sure she would have done the same if I had a brother. It was my father who taught me how to ride a bicycle and he was also the one who taught me to make round chapattis and make bread rolls.Gender roles in my family were never clear cut. Maybe that is why I always found it mildly offensive when people said girls should know how to cook before her wedding, girls should know the housework.
I will soon be married for 4 years now. I do the cooking and keep tabs on the groceries. My husband does the laundry and buys the groceries. On weekends and rainy evenings, my husband fries pakoras while I make the tea. At times I come home from the office to find my husband cleaning the fan or scrubbing the bathroom. My friends tell me you are so lucky! Some say - how much work you make your husband do! Of course I enjoy the compliments and playfully snub the comments on making my husband work. But I wonder why such sharing of load is not considered normal but extraordinary? Why should I feel special if I'm enjoying a book when my husband does the laundry? Is he expected to feel special too when I sweat before the stove and he catches up on his evening news? Of course not.
So, here I go again. Who put labels on jobs - work of men and work of women? My friends often tell me that I have a different point of view which is not realistic for the Indian society. Some say I am a feminist. I say I am an equalist. It is just sad that asking for equality is seen by some as privileges to women.
If I ever have children - I will want them to grow up in a label less atmosphere - like I did. I won't want my boy to think that kitchen work is for women and I won't want my girl to think that tightening the screw on a rickety chair is a man's task. And trust me, it is not too much to ask for. We just need to ask ourselves - who put the labels?
