No, not my family, not my partner, hardly a friend, then how does it matter what she/ he thinks of my actions? His opinion doesn't matter to me, and as far as I know, my stance hardly waiver her decisions, then why do I worry about their reaction before putting up a status on Facebook or BBM? I have never been very social. In fact, I often get reprimanded for not wanting to attend social events like weddings and other such parties with a lot of known people where I am supposed to smile and pay my respects to everyone. Now everyone I know is connected with me on FB. It is a like a big party where everyone is scrutinizing everyone else's actions.
It is great to connect again with old friends whom I had lost touch with. But things get weird when people I haven't ever shared a word with in person send me requests on Facebook which I am obliged to accept because we went to the same school (batches apart! Some had kids in diaper by the time I passed out or some were still learning the alphabet when I graduated to college.) Accepted because I do not want to come across as a rude person. I get pinged on chat by people I don't remember and I end up asking them the same question every time they send a Hi! on my G-talk:
Hey, so what are you doing now? Really? You had answered this question 3 months ago when you first pinged me? (And still you expected me to remember it when I can't even recall where I know you from! Bleh!)
Things are different when strangers claim your attention with 'wanna make fraaandship with meh' proposals. Then it is easy to give them a piece of your mind in polite, funny or heavily sarcastic manner (depending on my mood, stranger's grammar and looks :P). But how do you say no to a person who can seemingly write a biography on you:
"Oh hey, how are you? Remember me? I am your friend ABC's cousin's friend. We met at ABC's birthday party 5 years back. How have you been? Do you still have boy- cut hair? And how is your mom? Still teaching in that school? And what is up with your sister? She was enrolled in that beauty - culture course, right? And your dad? Does he still walk to his school everyday? And how about you? I heard you are working with Zee News! And are you still seeing XYZ?"
I wonder if he/she maintained a diary dedicated to me to be able recall my boring life's details with such precision. Although answers of most of the questions are a negative but I still don't want to hurt that person's feeling with a response which sounds like: "My hair has grown much longer. Thank god for that! And I don't work with Zee anymore (Thank god for that as well :P). And I have no clue who you are and why you are disturbing my mailbox's peace!"
Instead I frame an acceptably polite response which doesn't sound like 'me' at all and spend a good part of the day enquiring about the person from every possible source. You see I hate being curious.
Till this time it is very manageable. Let's go back to that stranger's last question: Are you still seeing XYZ? Usually I ignore these questions but the internet has made people virtually courageous. Much more than they can be in the real life. Hence, I give in to their shameless persistence. Regardless of the answer, the men I have encountered often end up declaring that they had a crush on me (too *rolling eyes*) and still harbour a fondness for me. This never ceases to marvel me because I always considered myself plain looking, bordering on cute. And none of them had had enough interactions for me to thaw and show my 'real' self (which is witty and funny and smart :P Stop smirking! Its an honest self estimation!). After all this time on networking portals I can guess a guy's next message almost verbatim. Its the women who stump me! My answers to their seemingly innocent enquiries about my love life become the gossip of the month which keeps coming back to me in all sorts of unwelcome forms from unexpected sides.
These, along with losing interest, were the major reasons why my frequency on Facebook spiralled downwards. And now, my status on Facebook and Blackberry Messenger sound dull and uninteresting which again bothers me because I get worried about my social image being labelled as boring. Social networking complicates life. You hate it. But you can't live without it. Its a party you won't miss but will attend grudgingly. Sucks!
