Read earlier posts of my blog and the number of entries on
'love' will have you wondering how old I really am. But then, love always
brings out the teenager in people. And teenage being the most interesting phase
of life, gives a lot of spice to talk about!
It is sort of voyeuristic to scrutinise someone else's love life, but people
tend to over play or under play their emotions when in love, both of which are
bound to raise curiosity to know the reality.
Although its needless to repeat the cliché dialogue of Bollywood movies, but so
that we are on the same page, here goes: Love doesn't know the boundaries of
religion, age, status and now a days even gender! No one intentionally
complicates their life by falling for someone out of their league. When you see
a young girl and a (comparatively) old man walking together hand in hand, or
spot a handsome guy enjoying a cosy rendevouz with a not - so pretty girl, you
might scoff at them and question why, how and what. But does the word 'love'
not suffice as an answer to all your doubts? See, love is not the most
intelligent of emotions around. In fact, like most strong emotions like anger,
jealousy, lust, even joy, it clouds over your reasoning ability. You think odd
matched couples don't know that their future together might be bleak, their
romance short lived or that they are inviting the ire of their friends, family
and society? Oh, they know! They have analysed their situation from a million
angles hoping to see a rosy picture from at least one of them. In spite of
their success or failure in procuring a reasonable explanation for their
situation, the irresistible attraction rules their mind.
New love is the most dangerous sort of love among other kinds. Because a new
crush is hardly distinguishable from a new love, I have experienced the surging
emotions, vulnerability and the irrational desire of being around ' him'
several times now. And each time I have a new crush, which is very often, it
hits afresh!
So considering the difficult time each love bound heart faces, I have tried to
make it easier for them. I know it is easier said than done, but here goes:
1. Find a confidant: Oh
how I wish I had someone like me to share my feelings which were creating a
havoc inside me, when I was struggling with a new love. Unlike most of us
like to believe, our love story isn't one of a kind. People fall in and out of
love all the time. So, never hold back thinking that no one will understand
what you are going through. In fact, someone might even give you a much needed
fresh perspective. You may or may not take their advice, but just being able to
talk about your situation can be such a relief!
Note of caution: Find a trustworthy confidant. Gossip is fun
only when you are doing it. And not when its about you.
2. Be true to yourself: Accept
your feelings. Running away from them is not going to help. Talk to yourself.
Or write if it helps (it works for me!). Once you organise your emotions and
know how hard you have fallen, your corresponding actions would have more
expected and desirable results. Well excuse me for sounding like an office
clerk but sometimes love needs to be seen objectively to act reasonably. I know
I'm doing it again. Anyway, basically be true to yourself. Don't keep trying to
convince yourself otherwise.
Maybe it should have been point #1 but sometimes a third person makes you
realise your true feelings.
3. Analyse: A guy (rather
cute one at that) once told me that whenever he fell for someone, he imagined
that girl sitting on his bike holding on to him with henna coloured hands. (He
also mentioned, holding a baby or two, but I'm skipping that part because it
did not fit with the image of myself on his bike which I was imagining with
rich visual details in my head. Needless to say, I had a strong crush on him!).
I'd like to believe that affairs/ relationships in this part of the world are
still associated with a some what long term commitment. Even if you might get
into a relationship thinking of it as a casual affair, a time might come when
either you or your partner end up falling real hard in love! So, to avoid
spending sleepless nights thinking, what to do now?, a little bit of analysing
in the early stages can be a lifesaver. It might sound silly to many but I have
always been a planner. And I wouldn't want to screw up my future because I'm
happy watching movies or enjoying romantic meals with someone. There is much
more to life than that. My mom often reminds me 'Pyar se pet nahi bharta'. So,
analyse components like compatibility and maturity levels. Of course you might
make mistakes because it is hard to reason with a love tinted mind. But
visualising the future and analysing it a bit reduces scope of pain. Or at
least prepares you for it. And that is how we come to point # 4.
4. Accept the consequences: If
by now you have disregarded the above 3 points as being unrealistic, ruthless
and heartless then I'm sure I can proceed to the last point so that you can
complete my image in your head as a foolish young girl who knows nothing about
the world but loves to preach anyway. And if by any chance, you have seen and
understood even 10% of the logic I have tried hard to put behind the above
three points, you might find point #4 bearable too. So after knowing your
feelings, taking a trustworthy third party's opinion and analysing the
situation you plan to take the plunge or decide to go in deeper than you
already are, be ready to face the consequences too. Sorry if that came out
creepy. Let me put it this way. All the good, happy, nice, joyful, sweet things
that happen to you will be because of you. But then, don't blame anyone else
for the bad ones too. If you have really analysed this relationship, then you
might have a fair idea of complications that might arise and you are still
going ahead with it because you believe you can handle it, you'll cross the
bridge when you reach it or you have painted a much too hopeful picture. Whatever
it might be, accept it with grace.
I am not a love guru. I don't have much personal experience of relationships.
I'm just a keen observer. I know the above points aren't infallible. People
change, time is a b*tch or we might be plain unlucky. Take it all with a pinch
of salt. Because what would love be if not complicated?
