The Complication called Love...

Read earlier posts of my blog  and the number of entries on 'love' will have you wondering how old I really am. But then, love always brings out the teenager in people. And teenage being the most interesting phase of life, gives a lot of spice to talk about!

It is sort of voyeuristic to scrutinise someone else's love life, but people tend to over play or under play their emotions when in love, both of which are bound to raise curiosity to know the reality.

Although its needless to repeat the cliché dialogue of Bollywood movies, but so that we are on the same page, here goes: Love doesn't know the boundaries of religion, age, status and now a days even gender! No one intentionally complicates their life by falling for someone out of their league. When you see a young girl and a (comparatively) old man walking together hand in hand, or spot a handsome guy enjoying a cosy rendevouz with a not - so pretty girl, you might scoff at them and question why, how and what. But does the word 'love' not suffice as an answer to all your doubts? See, love is not the most intelligent of emotions around. In fact, like most strong emotions like anger, jealousy, lust, even joy, it clouds over your reasoning ability. You think odd matched couples don't know that their future together might be bleak, their romance short lived or that they are inviting the ire of their friends, family and society? Oh, they know! They have analysed their situation from a million angles hoping to see a rosy picture from at least one of them. In spite of their success or failure in procuring a reasonable explanation for their situation, the irresistible attraction rules their mind.

New love is the most dangerous sort of love among other kinds. Because a new crush is hardly distinguishable from a new love, I have experienced the surging emotions, vulnerability and the irrational desire of being around ' him' several times now. And each time I have a new crush, which is very often, it hits afresh!

So considering the difficult time each love bound heart faces, I have tried to make it easier for them. I know it is easier said than done, but here goes:

1. Find a confidant: Oh how I wish I had someone like me to share my feelings which were creating a havoc inside me, when I was struggling with a new love.  Unlike most of us like to believe, our love story isn't one of a kind. People fall in and out of love all the time. So, never hold back thinking that no one will understand what you are going through. In fact, someone might even give you a much needed fresh perspective. You may or may not take their advice, but just being able to talk about your situation can be such a relief!

Note of caution: Find a trustworthy confidant. Gossip is fun only when you are doing it. And not when its about you.

2. Be true to yourself: Accept your feelings. Running away from them is not going to help. Talk to yourself. Or write if it helps (it works for me!). Once you organise your emotions and know how hard you have fallen, your corresponding actions would have more expected and desirable results. Well excuse me for sounding like an office clerk but sometimes love needs to be seen objectively to act reasonably. I know I'm doing it again. Anyway, basically be true to yourself. Don't keep trying to convince yourself otherwise.
Maybe it should have been point #1 but sometimes a third person makes you realise your true feelings.

3. Analyse: A guy (rather cute one at that) once told me that whenever he fell for someone, he imagined that girl sitting on his bike holding on to him with henna coloured hands. (He also mentioned, holding a baby or two, but I'm skipping that part because it did not fit with the image of myself on his bike which I was imagining with rich visual details in my head. Needless to say, I had a strong crush on him!). I'd like to believe that affairs/ relationships in this part of the world are still associated with a some what long term commitment. Even if you might get into a relationship thinking of it as a casual affair, a time might come when either you or your partner end up falling real hard in love! So, to avoid spending sleepless nights thinking, what to do now?, a little bit of analysing in the early stages can be a lifesaver. It might sound silly to many but I have always been a planner. And I wouldn't want to screw up my future because I'm happy watching movies or enjoying romantic meals with someone. There is much more to life than that. My mom often reminds me 'Pyar se pet nahi bharta'. So, analyse components like compatibility and maturity levels. Of course you might make mistakes because it is hard to reason with a love tinted mind. But visualising the future and analysing it a bit reduces scope of pain. Or at least prepares you for it. And that is how we come to point # 4.

4. Accept the consequences: If by now you have disregarded the above 3 points as being unrealistic, ruthless and heartless then I'm sure I can proceed to the last point so that you can complete my image in your head as a foolish young girl who knows nothing about the world but loves to preach anyway. And if by any chance, you have seen and understood even 10% of the logic I have tried hard to put behind the above three points, you might find point #4 bearable too. So after knowing your feelings, taking a trustworthy third party's opinion and analysing the situation you plan to take the plunge or decide to go in deeper than you already are, be ready to face the consequences too. Sorry if that came out creepy. Let me put it this way. All the good, happy, nice, joyful, sweet things that happen to you will be because of you. But then, don't blame anyone else for the bad ones too. If you have really analysed this relationship, then you might have a fair idea of complications that might arise and you are still going ahead with it because you believe you can handle it, you'll cross the bridge when you reach it or you have painted a much too hopeful picture. Whatever it might be, accept it with grace.

I am not a love guru. I don't have much personal experience of relationships. I'm just a keen observer. I know the above points aren't infallible. People change, time is a b*tch or we might be plain unlucky. Take it all with a pinch of salt.  Because what would love be if not complicated?