Middle Aged Me

So it’s been quite some time since I graduated. The last I attended college as a student was on 29^th April. I graduated a young, vibrant, fun, cheerful girl of 21 and 8 months later I feel middle aged, already! I grew a decade old in a matter on months. By middle aged I mean, I am more reserved (as if that’s possible!), more observant, more mature, more sincere. Almost a nerd. My saving grace is that I can still take out double meanings from almost all conversations. I still dance like drunk on cheap songs (the latest being Sheila ki Jawani and Munni Badnam), both, alone in my room (which can be scary if you happen to peep in through the keyhole) and in public (which will have you in splits).

There are many more silly things which keep the kid in me alive. But the symptoms of middle age are distinctly pronounced. A few of them are as follows:

 

1) Patience - I had a short fuse and was proud of it. At times, it was extremely hard to disguise my intolerance. 

After beginning work, I realised that immaturity is an acquired trait, something I have always had low tolerance for, despite being quite immature myself. The funny thing is that most people, who pride themselves in being veterans (read: Snobs!), have amazingly high levels of this not - so - hard - to - find trait. Colleagues fight like kids (though their verbal matches are liberally littered with the choicest of abuses), shout like kids, are as stubborn as kids (at times, close to stomping their feet!). But unlike kids they can't be pacified with a bar of chocolate. When I first got my glimpse of this coveted corporate world, my first instinct was to save myself from the filthy politics of it. But I am not a quitter so I decided to be a part of them, but at my own terms. Now when I watch grown - ups fighting like cats and dogs, I feel amused and in more personal environments, shake my head and cluck my tongue in disapproval and launch into mommy - like speeches on proper etiqutte!

 

2) To joke or not to joke - I was among the few girls in my school and college who had a funny bone. I could make and take jokes unabashedly. Being so sporting and having a good sense of humour made me a tomboy of sorts. And as most jokes end  up being, mine too were insensitive and it was only after I had blurted it out did I realise that it could be receievd in bad taste. 

And now,

NOTE: I feel like a telemarketing salesperson elaborating the after and before effect of a product! :P

And now, I think twice before even passing a comment and either the moment passes away or I end up biting my tongue. And when someone makes a joke on me, I blush like an idiot and my rebuttal isn't as quick and cunning as it used to be. No wonder it is a humourless world. I guess the dryness in people around me is rubbing off on me.

Sigh, such is life dearies!

 

3) Boring: Ok, I have always been a boring person when I am on my own. I am a 'ME' person. I prefer devouring books while I am cozy in my blanket, watching movies back to back, playing my guitar, writing something, all singular activities. I am comfortable with myself and don't feel any need for company. Coffee with friends and movies in theatres and shopping sprees are fine (shopping isn't really fine, but anyway...), but it's the solitary things that give more pleasure.

But there was always a fine balance of solitary and group activities. Of late, I am spending too much time with myself. My itinerary mainly comprises of work, sleeping and eating. I squeeze in music and reading while I am travellign to and fro work. I sleepwalk through the week and it is only during weekends that I relent to my craving for good company and indulge myself. So earlier (yes, it's the before and after thing again) I was comfortable being with myself, and now I have no other option but. The result is: Boring me! 

 

4) I'm not a girl, not yet a woman: Am I reading too much into it or have people really started taking me more seriously now? Suddenly people (especially aunties) start scrutinizing me in a whole new way once they get to know that I am working with a news channel. Infact, a few of my relatives have called me especially to consult on some serious issues! I feel comfortable enough in adult company and the conversation flows easily. They treat me like I am one of 'them'! Though, there are times when I get bored of being treated like a 30 year old and hence, the jolly uncles who pull your cheeks no matter how old you are, will always be missed and loved!

5) Philosophical + Sentimental = OLD - If ever you need advice on personal matters, please DO NOT come to me. Of late I have begun ranting a lot which just guarantees raised eyebrows and stares. If you feel like making small talk about the weather or any new accessory that you just bought, be prepared to listen to a long philosophical monologue which will eventually come around to the inescapable point of how the only important thing in life is being happy and content. And if you happen to find me an un-philosophical mood, don't feel lucky because even if you would be spared from 'only - happiness - is - important' soliloquy, I will, in all probability, launch into a sentimental dialogue on parents, self respect or any other random topic. If you are a girl, you might bear with me for a good 10 - 15 minutes (which would be unadvisable as it would only encourage me to build up momentum, which most definitely would be injurious to both my and your health). But if you are a guy, 30 seconds later you would be running down the lane screaming and declaring my insanity! And when at the young age of 21, boys run away from you, then you don't need any other proof of your middle agedness.

 

 

There are many more evidences which confirm my rapid aging but either they are too embarassing to share, or are skipping my mind (that, dear friend, is another symptom of middle age). Although there is no trace of gray in my unruly hair, no laugh lines close to my eyes. So the situation is still in hand. It is not all bad. The fact that I see in myself a new confidence, better judgement of situations and people, a relaxed and mature attitude, sharper insight and other changes which aren't too obvious at sight, is exhilirating. Also, there is a new maturity on my face which makes people take me a bit more seriously. So overall, its not as bad. Besides, I believe a middle aged grace along with a girlish charm is a rather enviable combination. :P 

 

At the end of the day, all is well. :)