Love Thy Neighbour

I was brought up in a close knit society. One couldn't walk 2 minutes in the colony without stopping to meet or greet somebody. Everyone was from the same religion, everyone spoke the same language.

And then I got married. 

Having spent all my life cocooned in my comfort zone, my marriage to someone from another religion, another region and a totally different culture led to many new and interesting scenarios. For the first time in my life I was living on my own in a different city surrounded by different people. For the first few years, I lived in a rented flat with my husband. Basking in the bliss of being newly married, those 4 years, we did not know the names or faces of our neighbours, nor did we bother to find out. At times smiles were passed in the elevator, confused recognitions in the marketplace or curious glances towards other balconies on spotting some sort of movement. It did not take me long to forget the pleasures of living in a joint family, in a tight knit locality where everybody knows everything about everyone. We were too involved in ourselves, our work and our friends to give much thought to our neighbours and we thought it was for the best. It was a rented property, people came and went and we had to move someday too, right? So why go through all the trouble?

And then we shifted to to our house. Everyone said we are shifting in the middle of a jungle. So far from the main city, so far from civilization. But we were keen to give up rented accommodations to enjoy our house. The first couple of months were quiet. We were busy settling in, juggling work with home. And then the absence of malls, markets, cinemas settled in. How much time can one spend alone reading books, watching TV, surfing the internet? After all man is a social animal.

Our new neighbours came to our rescue. Having lost touch of neighbourly niceties, it took us a while to understand and adapt to invitations to tea and lunches. We were pleasantly shocked by our neighbours' interest in our interests and we learned to reciprocate as well. We now have sweet aunties who remind us of our mothers, cool aunties who give hep advice on everything (try cumin tea for weight loss, bake fox nuts in the microwave, must try the FabIndia in Logix mall for their home and kurti collection) and new friends quite like us as our neighbours. These strangers entered our lives and let us enter theirs through exchange of dishes and advice on which car to buy. I'm deepky touched and left at a loss of words when someone sends over a delicious dish of suji halwa celebrating the Mister's win at an award function or when someone remembers that kadhi pakora and chhola bhatura are our favourites and sends yummy stuff over or invites us for meals. We are still learning to share our lives with them. Unlike the neighbourhood of my childhood, we call first instead of visiting unannounced, there is  still a little formality left. But I am getting used to seeing an assortment of plates and bowls from other households in my kitchen. And it has just been one year and already this jungle far from civilization seems like home. We have an entire lifetime to get to know each other better. 

Cheers to the new neighbourhood! 

Drifting Away...

 Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. College was the golden era of my life. And my definition of this era isn't limited to endless gossiping, our 'chit' chats in lectures, the night stays, Momo's point, mindless discussions on everything under the sun sitting on the metro station platforms, bitching and more bitching, and uncountable such things. Though these things make my three years from 2007 to 2010 most memorable, what makes this time of my life is how life changed after it. Sitting on the worn out blue linoleum floor of the freezing studio, lounging on the blue frayed velvet couch, feasting on subsidised snacks in the canteen, along with making opinions about some important and many not - so - important things in life, I made friends who taught me the real meaning of the term friendship.

In those three years, life revolved around these handful of people. Sharing joy and sorrow, we forged a bond which was to last a lifetime. It wasn't during the final examinations or the farewell party. It was in the spring of 2010, on the last day of college, forgetting and forgiving all trivial differences and grudges, when we hugged and cried and wished each other well in life, that it finally began to sink in. Sitting opposite the building where we had sat till late in the night discussing movie scripts, assignments, politics, fashion, boys and the like, that the realisation dawned that this is where our journey together ends and we take separate ways. The following few days I chided myself for being unnecessarily dramatic. Technology has advanced ample to keep us in touch and still avoid the hefty bills! But silly me, the remaining balance in my cell phone should have been the last of my worries.

Two years after graduating, time and distance have begun to prove my smartphone useless for staying in touch. There is an option to text, chat and email apart from calling, but it is just that we have begun to run out of things to talk about. 'Real life' has changed the idealistic opinions I once sweared by and changed are the friends with whom I debated endlessly defending my stand on multiple issues. It was never intentional, this growing apart. But somehow, catching up with friends, laughing on old silly jokes, talking about us kept going down the priority list. Some people with whom I shared my deepest secrets and worries have just become a name on my BBM friend list. Friends who used to know what's going in my head just by looking at me have gone so far that when we talk on the phone after weeks, all we get to do is exchange formalities. No one is to blame. Time is always too less and distances too much. Work keeps us busy and there are things to keep us preoccupied in the free time. I hold no grudges against the friends with whom I shared Rs. 2 per piece samosa, class notes and my life story. I hope they don't either. I am glad we met and bonded.  I wish things had been different and efforts had been made to stay in touch. But then friendships which require efforts never go a long way. People meet and move apart. This gradual drifting away becomes prominent on days like today, when I sit with newer friends and hear them reminiscence about their friends and their golden era.
All friendships aren't bonds. Most are just beautiful pictures which bring a smile to our faces when we think about the memories they gave us. Those friendships which survive the growing distances and shrinking times are like a film shoot which never ends. Keep adding newer scenes to your film story and visit the memory albums often. They might have drifted away, but the memories we have with them are ours to keep.

:)