Not Quite Ideal

Chemistry taught me that ideal gas doesn't exist. Life taught me that ideal doesn't exist. And at times I tend to forget this and hope for, fight for and get all upset if I don't get the ideal. During rare moments of clarity, my subconsience reminds me that ideal is born from an idea of perfection and is never achievable. But that doesn't mean that we stop trying to achieve it.

Take for instance the big debate the country is engrossed in these days: Delhi elections. I support the Aam Aadmi Party and every other day I am engaged in passionate arguments on why they deserve a chance. My shrill statements are often met with reasonable and sensible counter points that they are too young politically, they have set the expectations of the people too high, Arvind Kejriwal might be a good person but the same cannot be touted for his entire party. So on and so forth. I agree they are not perfect. But then, who is? Their aim of making Delhi an ideal state and India an ideal country struck a chord with me. Their ideas maybe a little too idealistic but I, like so many more voters, got hooked on their fiery passion and sincerity. They are far from perfect and have heaps to learn and I want to give them a chance to reach closer to perfection and learn more. How much worse can it get than the current situation?

Another instance. Professionally, I am no where close to my idea of where I should have been at the age of 25. I am almost 9 months away from that milestone and I don't see myself getting where I wanted to be. It is not the company's fault, it is not my fault. I do not regret any decision I made. But I am pacified because I put in sincere efforts to reach where I wanted to be. I might be somewhere midway but I am proud that I reached here on my own. I could have done more. There is always scope. And I am still making efforts. Even if I reach there a couple of years later, it won't be ideal, because ideal doesn't exist. But it will be close :)

More close to home, my marriage is far from my ideal of marriage. Bobby is not the ideal that I had imagined. He has never taken me to a surprise candle light dinner, infact the poor guy can't stomach any surprise. We don't watch How I Met Your Mother together. He probably won't even know what it means. He won't play scrabble with me. He doesn't do the man's job around house.

But we go to street side parantha places in the middle of the night. We laugh till our stomach hurt watching old Sunny Deol movies and dubbed Tollywood movies after work. I wrestle him up every morning and he makes me run around the house giggling and screaming as soon as he gets back home from work. He might leave the man's jobs to me, but he sure gets the vegetables and milk and does the laundry. (*sigh* I love him like a lovestruck teenager)

Point being, ideal may not always be the best. At times, the journey is far more interesting, engaging, eye opening and satisfying than the end point. More important than the end point are the efforts you make to reach there and the rewards those efforts reap.

I have reaped many of them and some are still in the pipeline. I know they might not be ideal. But then, I don't think I'll care much about that till the time I am happy! :)

How is life after marriage?

It has been close to 5 months since my marriage but still the ice breaker questions remain the same. I don't know what answer is expected, but I'm sure I satisfy most people with my, "Oh, it is quite same as before. All good.". 
But come to think of it, there have been innumerable changes. Some good and some not so. I didn't exactly take to married life like a fish to water. I couldn't cook to save my life. I had never ironed a handkerchief. I didn't know how a washing machine operates (still don't, actually). And I had no clue about the price of stuff! And I am not claiming that I have perfected the change now. Actually, I doubt that people are able to perfect it even after years of being married.
  There are days when I feel terribly homesick. Days when I marvel at the fact that I am managing an entire kitchen on my own now, keeping tabs on flour, sugar, pulses, spices. Days, when I have to remind myself that this change in my life is permanent and this two bedroom flat with pristine white walls and little furniture is my new home. And those days I miss the pista - green walls of my old room which screamed of me! Remember Chinki, how we debated on the perfect colour and the pattern for the front wall? The green and yellow squares did turn out to be pretty well. There was a slight error in one of the squares which made it a little lopsided. I used to concentrate on that anomaly while studying. Well, everyone has weird quirks! Oh, and I had chipped the paint off the ceiling when the newly constructed room was just a few months old with double - sided tape during my college film shoot! Bits of DST are still sticking to the ceiling! And the amazing bookshelf which made me want to read even more.
Just a couple of days back I and Bobby were talking about our old homes. And I remembered having dinner together in the then gray tiled kitchen, sitting cross legged on the orange plastic mat which had white burfi like patterns on it. I used to sit next to papa in the narrow doorway. It made it easier for me to pass all the things I didn't like to his plate. Dinner was an event and we never missed the television upstairs in ma - papa's bedroom. And when we did get a 14 inch black bodied Sony TV for the living room,  its most fond usage was for watching Zee News right before heading off for school and listening to bad bhajans sung on filmi tunes before the news telecast begun.
Surprisingly, I even miss watching soap operas with Ma. She used to sniffle at every other scene and I used to tease her. "You better shed more tears at my wedding Ma, than you waste on these silly serials (she didn't, by the way). Same story everyday. :) She either made us have dinner before 8 or after 8.30. The half an hour in between was reserved for Anandi. Guests were grudgingly entertained at that time. And if after the wait, dinner was tori, arabi, ghiya, tinde, gobhi or bhindi, I used to create a scene and dad was always on my side. I am a fussy eater and as a result, every second day I had paneer in my tiffin box and a sweet everyday. Not that I can't have a sweet everyday and paneer frequently, but the charm of knowing that Ma made it especially for me and just for me and others got gobhi or some green and yucky vegetable, is something irreplaceable.
And I miss my mental Ma the most, who used to iron even my undergarments and cry at advertisements of serials. Ma, who guessed I had fallen in love without my having to worry about finding ways to drop the bomb. Papa, who wouldn't sit still for a second if he knew I wanted something. 'Papa, I can't find my 10th class mark sheet' and there he'd go, leaving his dinner half eaten to forge for it in his cupboard. Papa, who would become an electrician, cleaner, teacher, driver or anything under the sun for his daughters.
 
And here I am, cooking achari bhindi (I haven't tasted it ever but I have heard that I make it pretty well, by the way) and missing the pakoras papa made for me last weekend. And I can't help but wish that I could still be the star slicer, chopper, dicer for Ma because that was the only way I could  help her. But unlike Hannah Montana, I can't have the best of both worlds unless Bobby agrees to become a ghar jamai. And I'm not taking the risk of giving him such ideas because the crazy guy he is, he can figure out ways to make that happen as well.
So, where were we? Yes, at "how are you liking your married life?". Well, I miss tonnes of things but I'm making millions of irreplaceable memories here. So, yes, all good. Thanks.

My 7 Vows

It is official!


Invitations are being sent out. Senseless amount of money has been spent on clothes, make up, shoes, gifts and a million other things. We have decided to take this life turning plunge and declare ourselves as man and wife in a full-on wedding ceremony in front of some 1000 odd people decked up in stuff we both won't wear ever again. All my female stuff would become commonplace in your wardrobe, bathroom, cabinets, dressing table. My PMSing, mood swings, anger fits, quiet spells, mad urges to sing and many other faces which you have just glimpsed so far would become a part of your daily routine. Scared yet rookie? Well, don't be because the lucky man that you are, I have decided to be a tolerable, fair and understanding room and life partner for our benefit. How so, you ask? The pundit will do his job and make us throw stuff in the holy fire and repeat unintelligible stuff and declare that we have taken the required vows to be married. Vows which we might not understand in the first place to ensure that we follow them. So, I present my own set of vows here. I am no saint and I can deviate from my words. But you'll always have this typed proof on my blog to knock some sense into me when required. So here goes:

1. I hate toothpaste tubes being squeezed from the centre. I hate wet towels on the bed. I hate it when things are not where they are supposed to be. But I vow to remember that my opinion and likings are mine and not yours. I might suggest. But I won't impose.

2. Sometimes I just like to go to a cafe alone and read a book. Just like I have my solitary likes, I'll respect your time with yourself. I promise not to assume time keeper duties. And also not to tag along where you might not want me. Just drop me a hint.
3. I have the entire day planned out and you get called to work. Of course I'll be upset and disappointed. I'm human, and that too female of the species after all. But I promise to be understanding and reasonable. It takes time to kick in. Just bear with me till the time it does.
4. Nobody likes being lied to. Neither do I. I promise to never hurt you with lies and I will trust you no matter what.

5. Jo tera hai wo mera hai. And I just don't mean the good stuff. I might not be able to solve all your problems and tensions, god forbid you have any. But I will stand with you, support you, help you and maybe just listen if that would make you feel better, through thick and thin. And yes, head massages and back rubs are included in the offer. 
6. Women are complicated creatures. They say one thing and mean a score other things. And I don't claim to be much different. As much as I'd want you to read my mind on several occasions, I understand its not possible for you to always know that I'm in the mood for Italian and not south Indian food. Or that I want to spend some 'us' time rather than go out with friends. Or that I want to go watch a movie instead of sitting home. So I promise to not complicate things by assuming. I'll say what I mean and mean what I say.

7. This one is cliché. But touché as well. I promise to love you always. Just the way you are. I might forget to say it everyday, or might deliberately not say it when I'm pissed. But whether we are fighting, or just tired, or too busy to say it, I'll still mean it. I love you. And that shall never change.

And there go my 7 vows.

I would be lying if I say that I won't have expectations, because of course I will. But there shall be no pressure on you.

A very happy married life love. All the best and good luck. God knows you'll need it.

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