Starting Anew

 I didn’t change jobs for 8 years. I made it my second home. I knew everybody. And when I say knew, I really meant it. I was friendly with families of colleagues! I hung out with work friends almost everyday after work. Our discussions were 2% work and 98% personal. The office boys, driver, boss’s children, vendors, and clients who gave recurring business – they were like extended family. And my colleagues – they really were family. We exchanged Diwali gifts and planned surprises for each others birthdays! Comfort zone doesn’t get more comfortable. At 29 years old, I had made roots and was too comfortable (read: scared) to move. I don’t know what was the trigger, but when I did make a decision to uproot myself and start a new job, I was terrified. To anyone who asked how I was feeling, I maintained the stance that I am excited. Which wasn’t entirely false. Change is exciting. But this was a big change for me. Too big to handle.

 

It is like re-starting dating after being committed to one person for a long time. You forget how to flirt, you are unsure of yourself around new beaus, you are conscious of what you are wearing, how short you are, what you are ordering for lunch (and how much!), which jokes you laugh on and which jokes you make – most of all, you are unsure of how long it takes for the relationship to become serious. So the night before I started the new job, I was a mess! I had my wardrobe planned, laid out and ironed down to my underwear. But of course, it was changed thrice! My bag was packed and repacked to ensure I had all the documents, a right sized diary, a set of working pens (different colours – mind you!). I had to make a silly excuse when my husband caught me trying out smiles in the mirror. It was horrible. I reached office half an hour before I was meant to. I was extra polite. I think at some point I bowed to one of the office helps! The drive was long, the office was new, people were unknown and I had to prove myself all over again. It was a nightmare. Sure, (some) people were nice. They smiled, asked me to lunch, made polite enquiries about me – but I was the new girl and the group had more exciting stuff to talk about than the new girl. Things didn’t change overnight. Learning about the new company, remembering faces and names, learning everything about the company and understanding their expectations from me, making an impression (hopefully the right one!) – it takes time.

 

 I am not sure how long it took (partly because of the pandemic) but I did start feeling like I was a part of the team. Instead of the one with the questions, I became one with the answers. I think how the office helps treat you, if they remember your name, if they smile at you while passing – it’s testimony to how comfortable you have made yourself in an organisation. The fact that the office boys started remembering when and how I liked my coffee, was proof that I had embedded myself in the company’s social fabric.

 

And then, two years later, another opportunity came by. The earlier feelings of excitement mixed with dread resurfaced – but this time, excitement triumphed fear. I was more confident, more sure of myself. Maybe it was because I was older, or just more sure footed. The night before the first day at the new office, I did not lay out the clothes. I simply stopped at visualising them in my mind – complete with shoes and earrings. 😊