The One - Err... Really?

“Hum ek baar jeete hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi  bhi ek baar hoti, aur pyaar, wo bhi ek baar hota hai…”

Despite the undeniable fact that Shahrukh Khan looks absolutely convincing (and deliciously gorgeous) when he delivers these lines in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, many would still scoff at him and his theory of once – in – a – lifetime. This is not an era where love happens just once and as most Hollywood stars would provide evidence for, neither do marriages. But Bollywood courses through our veins. We may deny it to our heart’s desire but we all love love stories. And we are all waiting for ‘The One’. If we already are with someone, then we hope with all our might for her/ him to be ‘The One’.

Question #1: Who is ‘The One’?

There are no definitions. Girls get dreamy eyed when asked this question, some even blush, and rattle on a much heard list of adjectives which invariably include tall, handsome, sensitive, understanding, blah and blah. Honest (and straight) men would admit that their ‘The One’ would be some hot chick with killer curves. And there would always be those practical people who’d explain how their perfect one would complement their thinking and morals and lifestyle and pockets! Everyone starts making a little list in their mind when asked what their ‘perfect one’ would be like. Although most lists would end up being rather similar, everyone’s eventual choice would turn out to quite unique.

Question #2: How do you know you’ve met ‘The One’?

A very dear friend of mine, according to her family and many friends, is now of marriageable age. Like all good parents would, hers are groom hunting as well. She told me about a few suitable suitors she’d met. Although a few freak cases were there, but quite a few were handsome, well spoken, well to do (loaded, in other terms!) and had a good family to back them. But she still wasn’t impressed enough to want to marry any of them. Why? As she puts it, it didn’t click. I used to roll my eyes at her. But now when I write this, I think I do agree with her.

First impressions are lasting. And unfortunately, everyone seems to know that and hence, everyone wants to leave a lasting and good first impression. Most of which is pretentious and a load of bull – crap. So most guys my dear friend of marriageable age would have met would have been very similar to each other in their behavior. Polite, appropriately shy and appropriately funny, decent and they all would have been wearing good shoes (Men have somehow the idea that women notice a man’s shoes first! Hurr!). The only (and rather important) difference would be in the looks department which they wouldn’t have been able to do much with. In that case, my friend is no way wrong if she is using her intuition for making the most important decision of her life, rather than just basing it on what she sees.

We all might have met hundreds of good looking men and women. We do get infatuated (well, I certainly do!), but at the risk of sounding terribly sappy, we only seem to be falling in love when something.. clicks!

Question #3: Can there be a “Second One”?

So you think this is it. You have found your perfect partner, your soul – mate, the love of your life. You have committed your life to loving this person unconditionally and living happily ever after with her/ him. And then your bubble bursts. The reason can be any: either of you cheated, either of you turned out to be an insecure, over possessive prick or you just fell out of love or fell for someone else. Of course one might argue that they had made the wrong choice in the first place and that person never was ‘The One’. Although, I believe that would be rather unfair on that person. That is why in the movie K2H2, even Mr. Know – It – All, SRK realized that we do live once, but in that life we are given ample opportunities to explore love. So there can be a second one and just might be a third one or fourth… the number doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we are happy with our choice and we don’t regret.

So, don’t hold yourself back waiting for ‘The (Perfect) One’. Remember, even if you find someone perfect it won’t guarantee you happiness because you won’t be perfect enough for her/him. And you might just end up missing someone who might not be perfect, but might be ‘The One’ after all.

But, never be hasty about love. You’ll just end up bruised.

Be a bit more selfish. Don’t swear by Bollywood hoping that your love story would eventually have a happily ever after even though you are going through the hardest possible time. You deserve a lot more. Never compromise.

Here’s to hoping that we all find our ‘The One’ and get to keep him/ her.. or ‘The Second One’ or ‘The Third One’ or… Oh, never mind the number. Cheers!

Think much?

Few night ago I had a most stimulating conversation with a very dear friend. It gave me a lot of food for thought. I won’t go into the details of the conversation, but in brief, I asked him a question. Admittedly, it had no connection with our light hearted chatter. My question was, we might think that we are bringing joy to someone’s life but if we think about the flip side, what if we are in actual complicating the other person’s life by being a burden he is not habitual of carrying? (Okay, yes, I am a bit demented but in my defense, Saturdays spent at home do that to me!)

What he told me just might be the best advice I have ever received in my life. He accused me of thinking too much. Until now, I used to think (yes, think again!) that it is a sign of intelligence. I prided myself in being a thinker till I wrapped my head around this example.

You see the movie ‘3 Idiots’ for the first time. You love it! You see it for the second time, you like it still. You see it for the third time and you think, okay, Aamir Khan was over – acting a bit.

The point is by third time, you start thinking, which is something you aren’t meant to do. And when you start thinking about things, you are bound to find things that you won’t like.

My friend said: One should never think about the good things in one’s life. That doesn’t mean that you take them for granted either. Good things are meant to be felt. They should be appreciated and enjoyed. By pondering over them we just spoil them. So, with regards to the convoluted question I had put to him, if you are happy, and the other person in question seems happy as well, why even think of negative thoughts?

I observed my thoughts and realized that things I ponder a lot about are all negative. And then it hit me. Those thoughts are negative only because I ponder over them.

Our elders also agreed to the same. They are an intelligent lot. Their age old customs might seem old – fashioned and inconvenient to us, but the ideology behind them is very practical. Elders always insist that courtship period for any couple should be brief.  Most couples will swear by the fact that the time between their engagement and wedding was the golden period of their relationship. Well, that is because they just enjoyed each other’s company and felt happy. Getting to know each other becomes so fascinating, that there is no time to spare for thinking. Too much time guarantees thinking and a too – much – thinking human brain is the origin of every problem in the world. When our mind thinks too much, it is bound to think negatively.

You see both me and Dawood Ibrahim have the same coloured blood, one liver and two kidneys. It is just the brain which makes all the difference. It is the brain which makes a person good or evil.  A person with nothing better to do will think and think and think evil!

Most people are under the impression that ‘thinking’ and ‘perception’ mean the same thing. But my dear friend told me his theory that the word – ‘thinking’ has a negative connotation while perception is much more positive in nature. Perception is what you feel about a thing, situation or person. And thinking is well, thinking.   

So, thank you dear friend for giving me a whole new perception. From now on...

Experiment!

Traditional, poor, orthodox, spiritual and…. Tandoori Chicken Tikka! This is what most foreigners think when they think India. Or should I say used to think? Because India and Indians are changing, and how! Many of us would call it the GenX syndrome or the Internet revolution or the Satellite television age. But I being one of the wise ones (and credit hungry) in this blessed country would like to put it this way that all the changes we have been witnessing are because we Indians have finally opened up our hearts – minds – souls. In my dictionary, the X in GenX stands for EXPERIMENT!

Time for my famous examples to explain my blabbering. Half a year ago, hardly a few would have known Sebastian Vettel or knew which team Fernando Alonso races for (which is Ferrari by the way) or knew anything more about Schumacher other than the fact that he is a celebrated car racer. In fact my neighbor did not even know what the F in the F1 stands for!  But with a few days to go before the F1 racing is finally inaugurated on Indian Soil (specially treated for the event, mind you!), the whole nation is going berserk! Everywhere I go, people are talking about it, buying tickets (at exorbitant prices!), planning F1 themed parties and what not. Seems like Cricket would be having some tough competition in the near future. And not just from F1. Maybe from Basketball or American Football or Rugby or Golf!

Well, the point that I am trying to raise is that we have solemnly opened ourselves to experimenting. We are not hesitant to explore little explored territories. No wonder we have so many restaurants exclusively dedicated to Chinese, Italian, Japanese and Mexican cuisines (By the Sancho’s is a great place if you are looking for authentic Mexican in Delhi).

We have begun experimenting with sports, food, fashion, even what we want to see on the television. And before we realized it, the others did. They saw tremendous scope in this country. So they took up the task of taking us on a journey of the less travelled road; and our enthusiasm, which exuberates from our pockets, increases the number of zeros in their profits! But I certainly don’t see anyone complaining.

But I hope that on seeing this adventurous streak in the GenX, the landline generation doesn’t think of it as a further increase in the chasm which still divides India into two generations. And I don’t hope in vain. Because slowly, but surely, we have been able to coax their rigid minds to open. And every little experiment they open up to, marks a new ray of hope. Guess what, my Dad loves Mexican cuisine and my Mom almost owns the same number of denims as I do!

Let’s keep experimenting. J

Media: As I see it

A degree of mass media and mass communication from a reputed college, myriad relatives over – exaggerating my talents and Barkha Dutt is to be blamed for my entry in the Media. It’s been only 1 year, but I don’t need to be a veteran to say that Media is certainly not as glamourous as the young and restless believe it to be. The people are certainly not as ‘happening’ as they look on the screen. Satisfaction remains a distant dream. Levels of frustration remain high, tempers rise, fingers pointed, abuses hurled. It’s an ugly industry which has put up a good show.

Within a few weeks of my initiation as an intern in a renowned news channel, I swore to never work with one again. But as fate had it, a month after graduation I was working in, no prizes for guessing, the same institution which made me swear against news channels. As I became further acquainted with the industry, I realized that politics rule the news room. Partial bosses, inept appreciation and embarrassing salaries. But after cribbing and swearing and cussing for a day, you go back to work thinking that all this is not exclusive to media. This is true for most industries. But what makes it difficult is peoples’ perception about media. Some questions are most difficult to answer.

“Oh, you work with Zee News! What is it that you do there? Production? What exactly is that?”

Umm… Aah… Errr… It’s some background work, managing and umm… why don’t you try this besan ki burfi aunty, it’s low – fat!

“I saw you on TV yaar! Anchoring – shanchoring! You must be earning really well!”

Oh God please don’t ask how much… please don’t ask how much…

Media does have its plusses. It is a powerful profession. It gives you a sense of responsibility, makes you stronger in your head. It is still a young industry in India. And what people know less about, people fear. And fear leads to an awed respect or uncalled for criticism. I have often found myself defending my profession with passionate arguments. I have also submitted to criticism, even participated in them, because I know of media’s mixed nature. One day it can make you proud of the kind of work it is doing. And the very next day it can make you ashamed of being a media person.

But one thing is definitely true. This profession is not for the faint hearted or weak – willed. Everyone knows you crib and cry all the time, but at the end of the day, you still feel for the organization and give your hundred percent as and when required.

The on – air content isn’t the only sensationalized and dramatized thing. The atmosphere in the news room is equally charged and catchy. Watching it on screen and witnessing and participating in it are two different things. I hate it. But I simply can’t stop loving it.

So if someone tells me that they are entering the industry, I say:

Welcome to the jungle. Get over the shock early and you’ll survive just fine.

Sharing is Joy Indeed

The late afternoon sky was an angry orange colour and the rain poured down relentlessly. I couldn’t see anything from the metro’s window except for faint outlines of buildings. Then like a young child’s mood, the weather changed without any premonition. Suddenly the sun gave a cameo from behind a big gray cloud. Sun rays filtered down leaving beautiful patterns in the violet sky. The view was breathtaking! White fluffy clouds were fast replacing the sullen gray ones. The sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds leaving behind very unsubtle and mesmerizing hints. There was just a vague hint of a rainbow in some far corner of the canvas splattered liberally with beautiful shades of blue, yellow, white and gray. Rain fresh trees bordered the horizon looking extraordinarily green against the unusual background.

I stood inside the metro moved by the beauty with my mouth agaoe and eyes unblinking. I felt a sudden urge to share this moment with someone. I nudged the girl standing next to me, nodded towards the sky and asked, “Isn’t it beautiful?”. She made a face, shrugged, increased the volume of her earphones and turned her back to me. I sighed quietly and wished for someone with whom I could appreciate the scenery. Then a young guy caught eye. He smiled warmly, nodded once towards the window and his smile grew larger. I smiled my big smile and thanked him silently for sharing the moment with me. Suddenly the beauty appealed me even more. As if it reveled in the knowledge that it had many more admirers.

Romance...!

Wikipedia: Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person.

Of late I have been thinking a lot about romance. So when a friend asked where I last went for a romantic date, it got me thinking. I asked a few people what a ‘romantic date’ means to them. The answers were fairly predictable, though not very honest. Most girls had ready answers: Spending quality time with your boyfriend, getting to know each other better, enjoying each other’s company. Paints a pretty picture, doesn’t it? But it just sounded extremely cheesy to me. One girl answered – Shopping and I admire her for her honesty.

Guys on the other hand are more honest with their admissions. For most, going on dates means spending money while fervently hoping to ‘get lucky’. One even admitted candidly that a kiss in a dark movie theatre is totally worthy of the money spent.

For our generation, dating means eating out, watching a movie, hanging out at a mall etc. one common thing that I noticed was that all the above mentioned places are conveniently air conditioned but do not guarantee any privacy, a fact which most guys grudge (single track minds!). The concept of ‘spending a quality time with each other’ has become inter changeable with ‘spending a good quantity of money’. And ‘romance’ is just about getting physically intimate.

So, coming back to that conversation with my friend. When she asked me where I last went for a romantic date, I told her it was CP’s inner circle. She further enquired which restaurant we went to or was it a ‘shopping date’ (whatever on Earth that means!). I replied that we had not gone to any restaurant. We were just walking around having roadside bhelpuri. Her expression got me feeling like I was not wearing something important like shoes or pants! She finally blurted, “In this terrible heat?”, and I found myself defending myself by clarifying that we had Ice Lollies as well. I guess she pitied me and tried suggesting a number of restaurants and malls and other places for ‘hanging out’. I listened politely and nodded at the appropriate places and thanked her for the suggestions.

Later I thought that I should have told her how liberating it was to just walk wherever we wanted instead of sitting in a crammed theatre or restaurant. How sweet it was to share Ice Lollies instead of eating with proper etiquette in an expensive restaurant. How genuine and uninhibited was the laughter when his ice- cream melted in the sun and fell. How satisfying it was to talk about almost anything under the sun rather than making hushed conversations about the food and the current movie playing in the theatre. I should have told her, but something told me she would not have been interested. Besides, I could not have explained to her that my definition of spending a quality time is very different. Of course even I like a nice meal at a restaurant and watching a fun movie (no, I don’t like hanging out at malls!) but I won’t call these outings at dates. My idea of romance is not limited to fancy eateries and malls and movies only:

So what really is romance? For me, romance can be felt in the following:

     1)      An old man waiting in a ladies’ salon while his wife gets her hair cut and the smile they share when they catch each other’s eye in the mirror.

      2)      My father spooning my mother while sleeping, even after 30 years of marriage.

      3)      Boating at India Gate late at night.

      4)      A blank message from a loved one which means that they have nothing special to say, just that you came in their thoughts.

      5)      A young couple in a rickshaw. The boy’s arms draped around the girl’s shoulders.

      6)      A boy walking a girl home, carrying her book bag.

      7)      Giving your last roadside Dimsum to your loved one even though you are still hungry.

      8)      Just sitting together at home, watching a cricket match while really just looking at each other.

      9)      Seeing a bunch of suspicious looking characters, walking in front of your girl or exchanging sides with her.      

     10)   Writing a love letter. Not SMS, not Email. A hand written love letter.

     11)   Telling your friends, “Oi, tameez sem teri bhabhi hai!”, when they call her ‘maal’ :P

And of course,

     12)   Having bhelpuri and Ice Lolly at India Gate.

J

So, what is your idea of romance?

I do? I Do NOT!

Are you single and of marriagable age (read aged between 19 to 26)? Do your parents love to show off your talents in public? Are you Baniya or Jain or God forbid, both?

If your answer to the above questions is yes, then you have my sympathies with you. Of late, marriage seems like the hot topic. People around me are either newly weds, engaged, meeting a boy/ girl (ofcourse for wedding related purposes), cribbing about their marriage, looking for prospective bride/ grooms or enquiring about the same. Wedding, especially for us members of the fair sex, is expected to be  the ultimate purpose of life. I will explain with my own example. I pride myself in being the offspring of modern minded folks. Maybe the right phrase here would be – used to. My bubble burst when my elder sister tied the knot. Now my parents don’t seem much different than Anandi’s folks. (In case your mom isn’t addicted to this particular soap opera like my Ma, then let me enlighten you that Anandi is the famous child bride of the television drama Balika Vadhu which caused Colours channel's TRPs to shoot up). Suddenly the word 'marriage' began popping up in all the discussions around me! Of course I am not being bombarded with pictures and bio – data of strange men. Not yet. But being 21 has started feeling like a sin. No opportunity is left to remind me that I am the next in line. Going to social do’s (especially weddings!) has become a fearful task that I have come to loathe. There is always an Aunty or two at such a gathering who would be judging me with her X – Ray vision and creating a detailed report on how I would fare as her or some far – off relative’s daughter- in – law. Some women have made matchmaking the purpose of their dull lives and don’t leave any chance to suggest a boy, with detailed description of his looks, his father’s business and mother’s social standing, as a prospective son – in – law.

I don't blame parents for wanting to see their daughters happy and settled in their lives, but it is just sad when marrying off their daughters becomes a duty, accomplishing which will let them retire in peace. And hence, parents are ready to sacrifice their daughters careers, ambitions and aspirations if a proposal comes from a wealthy family. 

It's a hard world, and not just for women. Men, I believe face a different sort of pressure. If you belong to a service class family, the pressure is to find a respectable job, earn well enough to attract attention of a good family who will approve of the boy's gross income and hand over their daughter's hand to him. (Please pay extra attention to the adjectives: respectable job and earn well)

And if you are from a business family, then you are in more trouble brother. Have your share of fun and fulfill your fancies before diving headfirst in your beloved Daddy's business. Because you cannot escape the bees after smoking beneath their hive. Fulfilling your responsibility of being the business scion of the family is the green signal for wedding bells. The general notion is that once you are handling business full time, no matter what your age might be, you are eligible to be married. This is especially true for Baniya families. 

Somehow, parents seem to have the idea that marriage is equal to happiness. Of course I am a firm believer (and hopeful) of happy marriages but somehow being a wife or a husband isn't all that there is to life for me. Marriage isn't happiness. Marriages are to be made happy and that is only possible if both the parties involved are satisfied with their personal lives and each other. 

Sadly, most parents fail to understand the point and unlike some last entries, I do not have any solution to offer. And now I have to go hide in the bathroom. The neighbourhood matchmaker has come to pay a visit. Not a good time to be in viewing distance.

Adios.