Parting Letter to the Once loved

Parting Letter to the Once loved

It twists and turns,

I rot and burn.

It holds my heart and wrenches it.

I want, then don’t,

Feel warm and cold,

And fall apart as and when it hits.

This thing in me,

Which you can’t see,

Can’t heal itself like common flu.

I’ve died of shame,

Was born again,

To bear alone, as you won’t do.

I tried to stall,

Gulped bile and gall,

And wished time to move a little slow.

Even though I tried,

Agreed and denied,

This thing in me continued to grow.

Just hold me tight,

Just help me fight,

That’s all I ever asked of you.

You had turned away,

As I begged you to stay,

Was sex all you wanted to do?

The last I say,

On my last day,

It is the last you will ever see of me.

I wish you to feel,

Just what it will feel,

The baby, I’m about to kill with me.

I have been religiously popularizing this fact that I am one of the very few fortunate people leading a blessed boring life. The past twenty years of my existence have been as smooth as a baby’s behind (and for the record, I am 20 years young at this moment). Or one can also claim that I have a very selective memory. My mind tends to erase any embarrassing thought, every painful memory and each distasteful deed. I might have considered it to be a fortunate thing but there is minor (alright, moderately major) thing that stops me from coming to this conclusion. My mind does not even store proud, happy and euphoric moments! It is not that I did not have any thing to be embarrassed or proud of! I am sure I must have felt terribly under/ over dressed at some party or must have been obnoxiously snobby after receiving some trophy in my school days. But I just can’t remember! If I were to become a celebrity some day and if this question would have come up during an interview with a leading magazine: What is your most memorable moment till date? I would have to think or maybe lie or maybe just give the reporter some philosophical bullshit as to how the memorable moment is yet to come and all that jazz. Another question that would bother me is: If you had to erase one day from your life or go back and change something, what would it be? This would shut me up again. Just two days back I had prayed to god to let me live the past ten minutes of my life again because I had crashed my car in a pillar. But a week from now, I won’t even remember this incident (Another reason might be that I crash my car ever so often!). I don’t remember how I was proposed to, I don’t remember being in the emergency room to get stitches, I don’t remember what songs I danced to on my parent’s 25^th anniversary, I don’t even remember the time when I had cried my eyes out for something. I just can’t remember. Maybe as compensation, I have a weirdly visual mind. You just need to say something and POP! An image relating to it would come to my mind. When someone narrates a personal experience, I see it happening live in my mind. So, I found a way to store my memories too. I keep a diary. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts go in it as it is. And when I re-read it, I see myself living those emotions again. So all those holiday trips, all those funny moments with friends, the times when I felt proud or wickedly angry or bitchy are preserved in the pages of my diary. And the moments I don’t want to relive have no space in my memoirs, and hence, are forgotten for ever.

Maybe this is one reason I have always maintained that I am a good person, because the evil deeds are forgotten! :P

ORKUT RAP!

seen it ol, heard 'em ol,
dun wid it, i did my bit, 
bt thrs one hitch, i love to bitch,
so cum along, jst wrote a song, 
gave it a tune, frm sum cartoon,
i kno i seem high, bt i cn stl mk u cry,
m bad, n a lot!
m chick n supa hawt!
u wnt me nyc? bt m not wise!
dnt try n flirt, i'l kick ur butt
sum brain was ol it tuk,
m nt an open buk
move on in life, get a sweet wife
hv sum kids, bt shut their lids!
enuf for nw, i kno m wow
bt i want u to kno, if u stl dnt kno
i need no mre frndz! i hv my own trends!
jst read n buzz off, 'twas jst for a laugh!

SOMEDAY…

Someday,

You would look at me

In a different way

Smile at me

Then shy away

I would smile right back

But say nothing,

Jiggle my bracelet,

Fiddle with my ring.

Someday,

You would hold my hand

And meet my eye.

We’ll just stand there

And the time will fly.

The sun would set

And the moon would rise,

But all this while,

You would just look in my eyes.

Someday,

We would be together,

Playing in the loft,

You would stop suddenly

And kiss me soft.

You would take me in your arms

And hold me there

For me, that would be heaven

Else, nowhere

Someday,

You would take me to the beach,

We would lie on the sand.

Sometime soon,

You would hold my hand.

You would look in my eyes

And say “I Love You”,

I would smile happily

And say, “I Do Too”

Someday….

THE BEGINNING

GIVING UP..

GIVING UP
My skin is dry
My tongue is parched
Devoid of emotions
My heart is charred

The nights are long
The days crawl by
My loved ones have left
Without saying goodbye

My dreams are blank
My eyes just stare
My brain has gone stale
Tousled is my hair

What is the purpose in my life?
Why does my heart beat?
I just think of the moment
When death will greet

I taste bile in my mouth
Roaches crawl on my toe
Dust and mud matt my skin
Flowers die as weeds grow

Still I breathe
With no reason or rhyme
My hands start groping
Fast in the grease and grime

All I get is dirt
The last boil of hope simmers down
My eyes stare again
At the sky’s blue and earth’s brown

I lay, waiting forever
Then at the horizon above the lake, I see
That death has obliged
And has finally come, to take me

...The End...

Moments

I smile to myself, thinking of something
However, cold it is outside, I feel warm within
It spreads throughout my body, like a wave on the shore
Pleases my senses, I feel joy in my heart’s core.
Yes, I remember.

I feel pain, as if someone is tugging at my heart
I have lost something, something which is my own part.
Tears flow and I cry, I miss what belonged to me.
Something which was like the air I breathe, but couldn’t see
Yes, I remember

Then I feel a current flowing through fast in my vein
I feel the kisses which made me go insane
The warmth of the arms that held me protectively
The intensity of his gaze which could never be returned politely
Yes, I remember

I can feel the tension mount as the distance increases
Silence rules the conversations, the power to think ceases
All nights seem moonless, I feel lonely in the crowd
The hidden truths come out and so do all the lies
Yes, I remember.

Moments come and go, their memories remain with me
Some are vivid, some are blurred, but I just let them be.
These moments have not ended; they are intact in my heart
Because after every end, there is always another start.
Yes, I remember.

THE BEGINNING

The milky crescent lights up the blue sky. The silence is deafening. He wakes up like a pre – programmed machine. His eyes are dry, tears betray him. He has replayed the sequence many times. Hence, there is no fear, just a need which would be fulfilled soon. The room is frighteningly in order. Books stacked up neatly on the study table. The sheets on the beds are devoid of any creases. School shoes kept under the almirah. The satchel bag for school lies ignored in a quiet corner. The ironed uniform hangs confidently on the door knob. Everything is spotless. He takes of hid glasses. The thin metal frames clink lightly against the glass top table. He wants it to be quiet and painless. Knowingly, he takes out a small plastic bottle from the drawer. The wooden chair creaks as he sits on it and places the bottle on the table in front of him. Seconds tick by. Each movement of the clock’s hands sounds like a bullet tearing the silence. Calmly, he poured water from the jug kept on the table, in the single glass placed right next to it. Cold sweat breaks out on his brow. He tightens the knitted woolen muffler around his neck. His hands shake as he breaks the bottle’s seal. Small white colored round tablets tumble out in his hand. His hand rises to his lips. The trembling hands hesitate and lower down a little to show their resistance. But he gathers strength, takes a deep sigh, for the first time showing some emotion. He thrusts all the tablets in his mouth in one swift abrupt motion. He surprises himself. Some of the white round tablets fall around. He fumbles for the glass of water but drops it. The glass crashes on the cold marble floor and water wets his feet. He drinks straight from the jug. His face turns blue as he tries to swallow all the medicines at one go. But he fails and pukes. He blacks out and wakes up in a hospital.